30 outubro, 2010

On laugh

I was feeling kind of sea-sick, being the victim again "poor me" i want to be home, i want to sleep in my own bed, bla bla bla...... and my husband called me on skype and that was so good because he didn't enter my bad energy at all, instead he just make me laugh and laugh and laugh.....there's a clever man! I'm on the right track again LOVE HIM  MOI AUSSI
Just started a new book on dreams and coincidences "the three only only things" by Robert Moss how strange that my husband just called me when i am supposed to be sleeping already. ......

29 outubro, 2010

Light at the end of the tunnel

Two months ago, i had a very deep session with my therapist, i felt light and enpowered afterwards. I realized now how deep we went into my inconscious because i felt reluctant to get back, there's one side of me who really wants to heal but of course there's the "dark" side who is terribly scared of the unknown, of being unprotected which is the other way around of course! So i am comitted towards myself to pursue my therapy especially when i don't want to go. Human behavior as always fascinates me! How we tend to repeat the same patterns over and over again.
How we keep habits and thoughts that we know are definitely not good for us. Very strange our way of functioning, others  superior beings outhere must regards us as aliens!
 Tomorrow heading to Shanghai, i travel with a very light luggage now, never know what i can find there! Very excited of course but today i will stay in my studio regaining energy, creating, listening to cool jazz, drinking hot tea with plenty of milk, being relaxed.....
Have a good week end, despite the bad weather here in Lisbon, enjoy and have fun

25 outubro, 2010

On healing

I haven't posted this last weeks as i have been living like a nomad! Staying at friends house in Paris as due to a fair there are no hotels available. That made me feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable but i'm happy to have reliable friends. It was a huge step for me asking as i fear more than anything in the world the rejection! I'm in the middle of heavy turbulences again feeling like i should be more, do more, improve myself....blabla what comes out of it is my self esteem in on the bottom again. Thanks God i have a appointment with my psy this week, have skip it for two month see the result! I don't know for you outhere but for me it seems that everything is always very difficult to obtain and i'm just getting very tired, the urge to struggle is fading away at high speed. I know that we all have a mission but no clue for most of us on what is exactly "that mission". Am i in the right track? Is there a right track? What are my patterns that i fail to see? Why am i evolving so slowly? Am i evolving? I'm forty one, what have i achieve? See heavy turbulences! At least there's one thing like Jean Gabin used to say in one of is famous movies "i know for sure now that i don't know nothing". In my thirties i used to believe everything is possible if one keeps thinking positive, a very new age attitude! Life as teach me to be humble, of the importance to open up to others, to be blessed in being alive, in good health and most of all to be able to love and be loved. 
I choose everyday to laugh even if i'm bleeding from the inside. Will i make it? Will i stop repeating the same errors on and on? Will every cells of my body start believing that i'm okay that there's nothing to be ashamed of. If i had right now a magic wand i would ask " I WANT TO LOVE MYSELF INCONDITIONALLY NOW AND FOR ETERNITY".
I do sense that most of the time we humans are in the state of "i am a victim, poor me!  " which i know is untrue but tend to adopt the same unconsciously attitude most of the time. Rereading at the moment the extraordinary and powerful book "Radical forgiveness, making room for the miracle" from Colin Tipping where he explains that whatever happens in our lives is our wonded souls trying to heal that attracts all situations. Nothing like writing and putting outside our bad vibes! The issue is stop being the victim now, the step is recognizing and integrate when we feel that others are responsable(which of course they are not) so one can evolve towards our own  responsability, big and challenging task, old habits die hard
With all this "light" thoughts i fly to Beijing...and absolutely love it. It's quite different from Hong-Kong, Bangkok or even Tokyo but Paris is also different from Lisbon or London! I had wrongly assumed as they being so many that i would found the same "organized" confusion that i love so much about Bangkok for instance but forgot it is not a democracy so therefore everything is contained. I couldn't open my blog or any blog for that matter, either you tube, facebook.... The information is censured, we know it but experienced it is quite disturbing . I have read a lot about ancient China and it is there at every corner the wisdom and culture of the former dinasties, i find them very friendly and maybe because i was so excited to be in Beijing at last, connecting with them was very easy despite their poor english. Next flight Shanghai...needless to say that i'm also very enthusiastic and curious about the old "concession française". 
Above are some ancient notes that i found... very poetic (of course i didn't check and they are...false notes but who cares that's part of the bargain, one can win all the times!)
Just called a dear friend who was telling me that the most important thing is really to love oneself because when we deeply love ourselves we attract mutual love, abundance, happiness in our lifes.
Have a good week ...

08 outubro, 2010

On power

I'm like the bird above ready to take off...another day spent on duty, in the airport, without being called.  It gave me the opportunity to stay with friends last night  that i don't see as much as i want, not living in Paris.
 LOVE  was our main discussion. How to find it, how to keep it, why love seems to run away from friends that we think have everything...and endless talk while sipping a few bottles of my favorite wine in the world, bordeaux "Château margaux" with various cheeses! There was this mutual friend who's still single, feeling guilty that she quit at the age of 21 her first love who happens to be "prince charming". She never forgot him always compare him with the other guys in her life, feeling deep inside that HE was the one and she had let it go. She started a search to find him after all those lost years and we cross our fingers that this will end " they live happily ever after".
 The other friend feels emprisoned in a relationship where he gives more than he receives and where his liberty remains a struggle, being assertive is a day to day challenge for him. 
As the Dalai Lama says being a couple takes effort, patience and comprehension
I have just been told that i'm on duty ...again....tomorrow. I have always found fascinating to observe how human like to be in control and when you are powerless how much effort it takes not to fight back when facing an injustice because you'll be even more powerless and...they win over you. Each company has his own rules and the goal is making profit each day more and more profit but....without considering the emotional side of his employees is doomed to fail. Daniel Goleman has written this very astute book about "emotional intelligence" where he explains about the importance of being motivated and recognized in our own company and when this fails to happen how the losses in money can be quantified. One needs to be heard and understood, we are not machines and numbers!
I think i will have another bordeaux tonight..."A votre Santé" 
Enjoy the week end.
Tomorrow hopefully i'll be heading to Shangai or Pekin or i'll run nuts...

04 outubro, 2010

Old habits die hard

I had a wonderful week-end! And you? 
I went to the theatre to watch Michael Douglas in his last film "Wall street" very good. He's still though  ageing an handsome man and one of my favorite actors along with Di caprio. A very thoughtful film about greed, money, betrayal. passion, loose and win....with a very moral and hollywood happy end that i doubt could be reality, but who cares that's the fun of it....and i do love happy ends (don't we all? )
We have a dear friend who's taking some vacation from husband and her 3 kids at my mom's for a few days and that was fun too as we had intuition and tarot session. We choose at least ten questions that we withhold and then the other answer for us without knowing what is our question so the mental is put aside and the intuition can flow. For years now i have been practicing the tarot and love it, whenever a question arises i lay out my cards and my husband who is very intuitive as join "the club". If we don't know what is the question then we are not influence by it and we can speak with our hearts/intuition and the results are absolutely overwhelming. Nowadays hearing our inner voice is ok and there are tons of books to teach us how to developp it when we just have to listen and to trust her. Intuition is our more reliable master, always acurate. I have fail her for many years not believing, wanting to prove that she was wrong but as my creativity starts to blossom i follow her and am much steadier and confident now. I gain confidence in my judgements because i TRUST her not always though it's an ongoing process. 
Old habits die hard!

As you can see i  return to the beiges! Just finished it and is one of my favorites . The old clock comes from Portugal and the music box and little bottles from Artfest, port towsend US that i bought last april to this adorable man at vendor night (for those interested he is in the left corner at the back ....) the door knock came from Paris ....A very traveled album...  hope you like it.
Now heading to the gym as my butt weighs tons after eating so much chocolate over the week end.
Have a nive week, fill with joy, laughter and share.

02 outubro, 2010

on sheer pleasure

Wake up this saturday morning at 6am... to go shopping! Direction the oldest flea market in Lisbon. Nothing except vintage stuff could make me wake up so early on a saturday morning...i do love the feeling though, the excitement of searching, the anticipation of the cool object i'm going to find and...ta da....
Look what i ve found, a very old sewing box wow! then old spoons, old buttons, this beautiful little  french tin, old photographs, old books............ I was so excited, when i'm in the flow only my empty wallet can and do stop me, fortunately otherwise i recognize being a vintage book-addict.
Tomorrow, cross my fingers full day in the studio creating youpiiiii.......
Have a cool week-end 

01 outubro, 2010

On Marriage...

And what of Marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of LIfe can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.