Life...

Imaginem por um segundo terem uma varinha mágica, como seria a vossa vida?

Eu viveria certamente longe de Lisboa com o Luis e o Frimousse mais para os lados do meco sem ninguém a volta, numa casa de madeira igual as americanas, com um alpendre e tudo, frente ao mar, tranquila passaria os dias no meu atelier criando e experimentando novas técnicas, ia beber café ao bar da aldeia onde toda a gente me conhecia, ia ao mercado comprar peixe ainda a saltitar, legumes e frutas biológicos, voltava de bicicleta para casa, o Luis acendia a lareira e recomeçava a criar, ao fim de semana tinhamos a casa cheia de amigos barulhentos e divertidos, e passávamos a semana os dois enroscados, apaixonados, partilhando e fazendo longas caminhadas ao pôr do sol, dancando a nossa música ao som das ondas, vinha "a cidade" o menos possível por precisar de silêncio e andava de avião de 10 em 10 anos! Wake up...Acorda já estou a ouvir: a vida não é nada disso parece a casinha na pradaria, com a família Ingalls. 

No fundo o que eu quero profundamente é uma vida calma, preenchida, sem pressões, sem raivas desnecessárias, sem objectivos desgastantes mas... até agora fiz exatamente o contrário e sinto me por isso completamente destabilizada. Será que fiz bem em parar os tratamentos? O que faço agora que tomei a decisão de deixar de lutar? Oiço muito falar do "let go", deixar correr, mas é muito inquietante deixar o controle nas mãos de Deus. Será que ele não anda ocupado e ainda se esquece de mim? Sinto-me muito insegura perguntado-me se fiz bem, não seria melhor tomar o controle de novo da minha vida? Ao menos tenho a ilusão de... 

Mas é mesmo só uma ilusão porque a energia que tenho gasto ao longo destes anos a querer aquilo que eu achava que devia ter, o que o meu corpo tem suportado, a minha alma está cansada. Preciso de chegar a bom porto como dizemos em françês, desculpem certamente a má tradução, descansar e aproveitar sem medos do amanhá e das eventuais desgraças que possam vir a acontecer.

Nem que seja por isso sinto que estou no bom caminho.

Imagine for a second that you've got a magic wand? What would your life be?

I would live with my husband and my cat in a little town, in  an american wood house with the porch where we could watch the stars at nights, with a sea view where we would take long walks daydreaming and simply be happy, creating in my studio, going downtown where i knew everyone, buying from the local fisherman, having friends coming over the week-ends, sharing and laughing, being away from an airplane and big city, and...

Stop! Why? i've come to realize that i want a calm, quiet and profound life without unnecessaries worries and strugles(don't we all want the same? )

My quest now is to stop trying to control and handed it to God. Wow! Written like that, it seems so easy especialy when i've been doing the oposite all over the years. 

So what i've been through lately is precisely that: wondering if God might forget me, i mean we are  so many! Got the pictures! it takes time like the 12 steps which i deeply believe, to simply trust and let go.

Treasure album

Obrigado... Merci...Thank you

Foi um workshop muito divertido e criativo. A Mena organizou tudo lindamente com a sua generosidade e bom humor. Eu adorei mais uma vez fico sempre admirada como as casinhas ficam todas diferentes e tão cheias de encanto.

Sei o quanto é bom termos momentos só nossos, em que o "mundo fica lá fora", esquecemos os problemas durante 3h, conversamos, partilhamos os nossos desejos, sonhos até cantamos (a Sonia com a sua voz maravilhosa que o diga...) Ao longo destes anos quer seja em Paris, nos USA ou agora em Lisboa encontro sempre a mesma boa- vontade dos participantes.Que benção poder partilhar e fazer parte desses momentos.
A nossa "mascote oficial" a linda Inês , muito concentrada.
Veio com a sua mãe Adriana, que tem tanta criatividade a tal ponto de colar o caramelo, que em principio foi destribuido para ser saboreado... na casinha que idéia gira (por isso é tão elegante, eu teria-o engolido em dois segundos! e foi quase preciso empurrá-la para ir fumar com a Mena de tão criativa que estava). Que bom, o scrapbooking tem esse efeito!
Ficamos a espera do prometido couscous da Sonia, casada com um françês, e que não sabendo que eu também sou meia françesa trouxe um dicionário, claro nunca mais nos calamos...bla bla em françês. A Mariana e a Xana sempre muito adiantadas gozaram imenso com as " quotas" que não pararam de cantar(sim gostamos da música do top gun, agora menos do tom cruise é mais a onda do George Clooney!)
et voilá... CASINHAS LINDAS PARA OFERECER
It was a wonderful afternoon, with those talented and criative ladies. LOVE IT.

Blessed are those who are able to create

HAVE FUN...ENJOY ...

The Camino

Estas ultimas semanas foram bastantes turbulentas...tomei de acordo com o Luis uma das decisões mais difíceis até agora nas nossas vidas e curiosamente, após o abalo inicial sinto-me toneladas mais leves. A vida é curiosa. Cresci com a idéia transmitida pelos meus pais que nunca se deve desitir o que acho louvável e tenho tido ao longo dos anos muitos "combates" para ultrapassar.

 As minhas perguntas são as seguintes:

Até onde temos, podemos ir sem por a nossa saude física, emocional,mental e espiritual em risco?

Será que vale a pena forçar?

Como saber se estamos a forçar ou simplesmente a lutar para?

Quando parar? e porquê?

Como virar a página? e as dúvidas? Será que fiz bem? Será que foi a boa decisão?

Acredito profundamente em Deus mas...não pareçe!

Se assim fosse não tentava a todo o custo fazer e ter aquilo que eu decidi! 

De onde nos vem esta ansia de dirigir, de achar que temos o controle?

Porque escolhemos sempre o caminho mais árduo para perceber?

Aqui ficam alguns dos meus pensamentos...enquanto preparo tranquilamente o meu workshop das casinhas para este sábado 14 novembro.

Largar...deixar fluir...são os meus próximos objectivos.

I've been through heavy turbulence this last weeks... My husband and I have come to the conclusion that it was best to let go all those fertilization treatments...and though it was one of the toughest decision I ever made I feel such a relief.

It's over i can't take it anymore and all of a sudden i feel so much lighter!

Life is strange. I grew up with the idea "never give up" inherited by my beloved parents.

But there comes a time when you feel that your physical,emocional,mental and spiritual health are seriously at risk and there's this inside voice telling you"to stop".

 

I deeply believe in God...but from the outside it doesn't look like!

I want things my way!

 Where do we have this crazy idea that we have the leadership of our lives?

That we are in control?

Now that I reach 40 I want to let go...stop fighting day after day till harassment.

Those were my thoughts in my cozy studio while organizing my workshop with the little houses.

HAVE FUN...ENJOY

Friendship....

Os amigos tornam tudo possível...mesmo o impossível!

Os amigos ajudam-nos quando temos de tomar uma decisão difícil.

Os amigos sabem o que fazer para te animar...mesmo quando a vida parece estar ás avessas!

Obrigada amiga pela tua generosidade, alegria, força de vontade, coragem,auto-estima,exemplo,humor,bondade...

Je t'aime de tout mon coeur et merci d´être venue.

My maid of honor came visit me and even if she couldn't stay long it fulfill me. She's one of those special person that you want to look alike. She litteraly shines whenever she goes with her natural beauty, smile,ongoing personality, warmth,generosity,tenderness,courage...

I want to be just like her when i'll grow up.....

thank you Isabel xo xo

Happiness

 

Quoting the Dalai Lama "if we approach our choices in Life keeping in mind that what we are seeking is Happiness, it is easier to give up the things that are ultimately harmful to us, even if those things brings us momentary pleasure. The reason why it is usually so difficult to "Just say No!" is found in the word "no", that approach is associated with a sense of rejecting something, of giving something up, of denying ourselves.

But there is a better approach: framing any decision we face by asking ourselves, "Will it bring me Happiness?"

That simple question can be a powerful tool in helping us skillfully conduct all areas of our lives, not just in the decision whether to indulge in drugs or that third piece of chocolate cake.

Approaching our daily decisions and choices with this question in mind shifts the focus from what we are denying ourselves to what we are seeking- ULTIMATE HAPPINESS

With this perspective, it's easier to make the "right decision" because we are acting to give ourselves something, not denying or withholding something from ourselves...

an attitude of embracing life rather than rejecting it

Love it...

HAVE FUN  enjoy...Be happy

The man I love

Ao longo de estes anos todos a viajar tenho-me apercebido que finalmente procuramos todos a mesma coisa AMAR E SER AMADO e o quanto é complicado viver a dois. Tenho que reconhecer que tenho mau feitio, a minha amiga astróloga Ana diz-me que é o saturno com quadratura a.......o que sei é que sou muito impaciente e bruta, de diplomata infelizmente não tenho nada deve ser o meu signo Leão ascendente sagitário! Fogo-fogo! Felizmente tenho a benção de partilhar a vida com o Luis, que nasceu para ser relações públicas e que é um dos poucos homens  que conheço que mudou de postura, que aceita modificar as suas crenças quando já não são válidas...
que faz jejuns a água durante 15 dias sózinho, que tem sede de aprender coisas novas e de experimentá-las como a auto hipnose por exemplo...Neste mundo ainda machista é verdadeiramente de louvar. Tenho a sorte de ter um homem aberto a novas realidades, profundo e corajoso. Porque é realmente preciso ter um cáracter fora do comum para nos transformarmos...Deu-me ao longo destes anos provas de amor incondicional. Preciso de admirar as pessoas que amo e....aí vem o meu "mau feitio" gosto de lutadores e não de vítimas. Tive um exemplo com o meu avô paterno Marcel Jung que foi um homem que se revelou nas 3 doenças supostamente incuráveis que teve ao longo dos anos. Amputaram-lhe uma das pernas quando a paixão dele era dançar, teve a "maladie de crohn" e "spondylarthrite ankylosante"...e mesmo assim NUNCA BAIXOU OS BRAÇOS como o LUIS . Não me interpretem mal, compreendo que tenhamos momentos em que esgotamos as nossas forças, em que só o facto de se levantar de manhá torna-se pesado, em que pareçe não haver soluções...Eu tenho uma grande empatia com o mundo que me rodeia mas vejo muitas pessoas a minha volta olharem únicamente para o "umbigo" e sugarem as energias dos outros sem se aperceberem disso. "Ter  as mãos ocupadas" diz a minha querida amiga Jaqueline e todos os dias tento seguir o seu conselho...a very wise woman indeed... e olhar para o que temos invés do que não temos diz o Dalai Lama"the art of happiness"

Problemas? quem não tem... é a maneira como os enfrentamos que faz a meu ver toda a diferença. E ser feliz "no matter what" acho um dever perante os outros, rir quando apetece chorar, dançar... e sobretudo DAR MUITO, DAR.....sem limites
BE HAPPY...HAVE FUN

Feira Craft and Design

Foram dois dias cheios de risos, encontros, partilhas...novas ideias. Obrigado a Luisa, Mafalda e Florbela pela organização e a boa onda. Foi a minha primeira feira e se Deus quiser não será a última! Tivemos a sorte de ter sol quando previam chuva...visitantes curiosos, agradáveis, amigos que me deram apoio, muita criatividade, boa energia e muito.....café na parte que me toca! Vou recomeçar a spirulina que dá imenso energia e de que tanto preciso.
Tive a sorte de ter ao meu lado esquerdo uma artista como a Joana 

(obrigado mil vezes pela excelente ideia dos sacos! ) que tem uma enorme criatividade e alegria e que espero voltar a ver de novo e ao meu lado direito a margarida  

 com porcelanas de limoges lindas assim com a Cristina

que tem uns peixes super originais e uma energia a carneiro! A Carla com os seus "stuffed"(nome da revista americana que tem peluches na mesma onda que os teus)...Resumindo ADOREI....dois dias óptimos como eu gosto sol, muita luz, boa energia, muitos encontros inesperados e divertidos, boa disposição, risos...partilhas, amigos  e 

sempre disponível fiável e presente a Mãe e o Luis. 

Comme c'est bon de se savoir aimée et entourée(merci fréro pour ton appui téléphonique)

No mês de novembro há mais...Obrigada

               and remember HAVE FUN BE HAPPY.....enjoy

Therapy album

I had a lot of questions through facebook what does your therapy consist of? Hypnose is it dangerous.....etc. So i'll try to answer what it makes to me of course as i can't speak for others. As far as i remember i was always a big fan of therapy. I believe that despite our parents love we still outgrow with wrong beliefs about ourselves and that's where our troubles begin!

My main problem is, was the value or the lack of it....others are always better than myself prettier, clever, funnier...You get the pictures!
I missed  always something and grow up deeply believing that i was inadequate. I had to be more, to make more efforts as i was less...God all this wasted years, so many tears, such despair. Little did i know at that time , that our thoughts make our experiences. So i continue during years my victimisation. 

Life isnt easy

Life is a struggle

blabla.....bla.

I started a therapy who produces good results then stopped and .....my old demons came back so i started another one.....

What i didn't realize up to very recently is the crucial importance of one thoughts and that they are a day to day discipline.
Don't get me wrong i'm not into this new age think positive and you'll live in paradise! But today  i strongly believe through my experience that is very easy to fall again, our wrong thoughts take the lead and off we go.....upside down feeling miserable and victim again ( we all do...) We get what we believe. So the only solution is to change our beliefs and to achieve that is day by day being kind with ourselves, patient and LOVING. A comfortable and easy way is through auto hipnose, just insert the cd on your laptop and prepare yourself to a peaceful and creative journey of 30mn...and VISUALIZE.
It takes discipline as we seem to have always something more urgent to do but what is 30mn in a day?My 40  made me think a lot and realize that time was running fast. I still have a lot of goals, dreams, challenges...and therefore little time for victimisation.My psy ask me to bring along a journal and i decide to make my own and personalize it. It was fun, creative and...very productive. The pouch contains qualities that i attribute myself and pick one every morning. We are the ones who change our lives, we have full responsability of what is happening in our lives and before accepting that no change is possible.

 

JE DIS OUI A LA VIE ET AU BONHEUR

YES TO LIFE AND HAPPINESS

SIM A VIDA E A FELICIDADE

 Keep your hand busy, best advise from my oldest and dearest friend Jaqueline that at the age of 80 bought a computer so she can speak with us through skype and visit online museems Wow! Quelle force, courage et joie de vivre. 

HAVE FUN.......ENJOY

It's all about inconditional LOVE

I just finished this altered book with a true nest dedicated to my grandmother, mom and myself.I hesitate at first as the nest seem so delicate and fragile but then...what a challenge.
Made from an old book with pages tearing apart , found some newspapers from 1945, an old manuscrit bought in New York,my little drawers with tarot cards( both my mom and grandmother have an enormous intuition) I try to represent everyone of us. It was fun and easy, we share so many memories, complicity and most of all UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

As i was sewing the 1945 newspaper"le Figaro", i kept wondering about all that my beloved grandmother had gone through world war 2, the fear, Paris being occupied, living each day not knowing if tomorrow would come, finding basic food to give to her family...even in my worst nightmares i can't imagine what it represents living under constant fear. What courage those generations had. You will tell me every decade has his struggle, so true but yet we live in a free world and there's nothing compare to freedom.My mother fall in love in 1967 with a portuguese man, Dad and at that time Portugal was under a dictature that was very difficult to her. She had to wait till 1974 and Carnation Revolution for the democracy to install and the price was very high for a lot of people.Very controversial times. Now we have to face a different type of war but nonetheless scary. So Love is the answer and always will be. I know i kept repeating myself...
I was very inspire and took a lot of pleasure, adding little signs here and there.   

Love is the ultimate healer

Love is where i want to go. 

Love is what i want to give and receive

Love is the best thing to experience 
Have fun and enjoy

Flea market in Paris

For us who love to craft, Paris is a magical place. I convince Luis to come with me to "les puces de clignancourt".
First stop, I recommend a baguette with saucisson(not light but so tasty) along with a bordeaux, chinon ou côtes du rhônes and enjoy, then you are able to fully appreciate the vue. I know french don't have a good reputation so I was more than happy to hear back in Artfest that I was an exception(must be my portuguese side!) once you've overcome the fact that french are bad humored towards everyone not just you! you can relax and start the search. It's like disneyland, so many treasures.I was completely excited to find a 18th doll little dress, it's absolutely gorgeous, the story that it carries, who did it belong to, what misteries lay within...I was close to tears with emotion, Luis at that point was sharing my happiness and content and help me find others small objects. It was a blessed day!
We laugh, dance and hug a lot.
Back in the studio, I look at my small doll dress and touch it now and then just to feel the texture, and even the smell of ancient. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT...
My mother made me yesterday an hipnose session and had me commit to have two sessions every week, as she thinks i need to regain some balance and strengh in my life. Normally i should made them alone but of course i'm lazy and love her slow and deep voice.The results of erickson hipnose are quite espectacular if one pratices with regularity.I'm blessed and very fortunate to have chosen such a mom, who is always happy, giving her energy and her time around.

HAVE FUN and ENJOY...
BE HAPPY

I need to pray

 I need to pray.I come to realize over those years as my life hasn't turn the way I wanted it to be, that I forgot God. I remember back in my thirties how much I crave for love, how worry I was to remain alone. That was my ultimate desire , TO BE IN LOVE.Then I met Luis my beloved husband and remember this is it...Finally I'm Home little did I know that LIFE is an ongoing struggle(at least for me of course).

Don't get me wrong, I value the love we have together, deeply believe it's rare, profound and unique, but I HAD A DREAM....

The dream of the husband,2 childrens and the dog or a cat!!!!!

So common one could say,I don't want to climb the everest or save the world, just to add my small contribution by loving family and friends the best I can. That's where I forgot God and become very enraged for a moment and still am once in a while! How can this happen to me, I refuse despite the utter evidence that I'm in a fertility program that maybe it won't work, maybe I will never hold my child,maybe after all those years there's no happy end. I heard so many stories with so many solutions.I still have 3 to go...and now I've become so confused, do I really want a child or I relish the idea of beeing like everyone else, beeing part of the whole? Am I forcing God's will? Am I punished? My husband repeats me that it's like a mantra, an obsession. We tend to believe with all this positive new age current that everything is possible, we have the control of our lives....when did we came up with this absolutely crazy idea? God is in charge and will always be. Period, no need to argue or to bargain. My mental is ok with that but deep within I recognize it's difficult TO LET GO, REALLY BECOME A BELIEVER THAT GOD KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.

How do you manage to achieve that? So many questions without answers...One just had to experience, bad or good in the end that's what we came here for? isnt'it?

I managed not to drown completely over this last four years, a new world of creativity and friends opened to me with mixed media. Be blessed. I'm proud of me as I choose the LOVE PATH, not always easy the bitter one was so close but I fight back. Maybe I will never become a mother but definetely I become a better person and don't we all have ours wounds to heal?

LOVE IS THE ANSWER...and always will be

Nb: If you're in Paris go Rue du bac to have this miraculous medals, there's a certain energy around.

BE BLESSED........HAVE FUN 

HOME SWEET HOME

I'm coming to you my love...Tomorrow will be together if God allows it. Feel you, hold you, kiss you. 

You are my joy, my love , my safe nest....Sleep well as is 22pm in Lisbon and 16pm here in Mexico. I'm going to work with you aside as you are always.

Secret desire

I'm in Mexico city the weather is pretty bad.....i'm homesick! I want to go HOME.
I want to ckeck the mail, other pages must have arrived by now, start working on Jessica's page dream theme.....CREATE and stay at Home with my beloved husband. How does it sound? A very good program but before, off I go to Sao Paulo which is another mega city, very crowded and polluted. If you start thinking about the people living here everyday, with the huge trafic the constant noise. How do they remain focused, balanced? it's almost impossible to be equilibrated when you look around? Where to escape?
How they manage to live and still pursue their dreams it's a mistery, but that is also what's incredible with the human being is our capacities to adapt and adjust no matter the difficulties. Most of them left their villages in hope for a better life, do they regret it? They were in their village with Mother Nature around, knowing everyone from childhood with a deep sense of comunity and friendship but with little expectations for work so they had the courage and determination to leave to "the capital".
What is the purpose in OUR LIFES?
What are we here for?
Does everyone have a mission? If yes what is mine for example? What is yours? 

 How do you recognize your goal in LIFE?
What to fight for? and when do we need to let go?
As i travelled around the world and fortunately meet all kind of different people we all share the secret desire OF LOVE and BEING LOVED.
LOVE IS THE ANSWER and always will be.

LOVE IS THE HEALING

Collaborative project

I've send my altered book to my dear art friend Amanda who send it to? So for now is a big mystery but i know he will be cherish and treasure. I dream of being part of a collaborative project so i'm in, good for me. i'm waiting the postman impatiently did i receive any letter from the US? not today maybe tomorrow.
Jessica theme is dream. Tami is witches Jill vintage stuff...it's really exciting but most of all it gives me a feeling of being part of... be integrated, sharing with art friends giving,paying attention and thanks to Artfest. There was truly a before and after ArtfestHeading to the beach with my husband ...cool day in perspective. Letting Frimousse (also called the tiger...) at home rumaging between the plants, the curtains the studio.......is a baby after all can't be to authoritative with him, he feels it and ........well my house is a chaos right now!

HAVE FUN......BE HAPPY

Loyalty over the years

I've come to realize how much i carry of my grandmother's own story. It's rather interesting to observe in our life's what belongs to us and what doesn't.Most of the time it skips one generation rather inconsciously and it can become a burden over the years. I have this inconscious loyalty towards my beloved Mamie that i want to let go for now. It seems easy writing it down but how will i know the interior work has been made?
When my LIFE starts to change,will answer my wise mom!!!
My homework is to write a letter about my feelings, what i want and don't want to keep, then burn the letter and doing it till i feel that it's ok. I've done it in the past for others problems that kept me from evolving and the results were awesome.
Now it seems more confusing as is for someone i deeply love and worship. You will reply me that one thing is loving someone and the other is reprove certain attitudes...correct but still i will need more than one letter! Old habits die hard... another strong belief that i have to eradicate as everything that i attract come from my thoughts and beliefs. Mamie used to tell us over and over that one has to fight, Life is hard, Life is a struggle...
Tomorrow first thing in the morning, my letter and then off to the beach..
LIFE IS FUN
LIFE IS FULFILLING and then thursday RIO DE JANEIRO

Le Bonheur est aussi une question de volonté

Cuisine de Maman

This is a special message for my mom who inherited my grandmother's gift for cooking..... Tu es élus meilleure cuisinière de Lisbonne e arredores....mais nada o resto é conversa. Je t'aime maman

Good memories

i spent the whole day in my studio, creating, organizing, throwing away...i found in my old trunk my marriage photos who are still disorganized after 4 years!!! 500 hundreds photos and without lying there must be about 10 who are correct...Fortunately i had good friends who made a video which is great.My thoughts wandered, i kept thinking about a friend who is single, another one who has 6 childrens and want to be at rest just for the weekend! another one just divorced, i want to have children ...as the Dalai Lama says the constant desire, the urge to have more,the not accepting and living in the present is what makes us insatisfied and unhappy.
I remember 2002 september 2 as being one of the happiest of my life, i truly felt like a princess in my beautiful sissi dress and enjoyed every minute of it. I felt this is my day ! and i dance and dance and dance...want to regain that feeling of completely freedom...This is my wish for my forties be assertive, don't want to be manipulated anymore by friends who live in constant drama, who are vampires and drain my energy.

HAVE FUN...MAKE LOVE and DANCE DANCE DANCE

New Cat...Frimousse

One of the good and unexpected gifts i received for my birthday...is this sweet 2 months baby cat,we called him Frimousse, sweet tender face in french.It means the world to me!
i grow up as my husband did with dogs around, i used to sleep, eat with my beloved dog Pimba, told him my dreams, my griefs and he listened always...patiently. whenever i opened the door he came running to me, best friend for the lonely little girl that i was, my brother being more an outsider (tenis, football boys stuff...)
i truly believe that an animal rest our soul, energize us.
So there's this sweet baby cat , Frimousse we should called him "glue" as he's always by our side, a dog-cat actually and of course we love it. My husband who is constantly surprising me, didn't want the cat as i travel so much and he would have to take care of him! bla bla bla...now first thing Luis does when arriving home is" where is my favorite cat?"pussy pussy... buy him special food...and so on. Indeed my husband is one of the few persons that over the years has made so many inspirational changes and i admire him deeply. it takes a lot of guts and one amongst others qualities he possess is NOT CARING FOR WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF HIM... he doesn't take anything for granted, evolving, growing.
My husband is a truly genuine person and that's unfortunately so rare nowadays. His friends can count on him, he will stick to them no matter what, supporting helping others.
Tomorrow heading to the beach...get inspired and back to the studio to work
Thanks my FRIENDS for all your caring messages for my 40.... Good to be loved and cherished(esta Stephane é para ti! )

Mes 40 ans...Comme le temps passe vite

There's the tradition in Portugal to celebrate the mother on each aniversary. BONNE ANNIVERSAIRE MAMAN aussi...I was very aware when i choose to encarnate in my mother's belly that we have lived many lives before, it's been a wonderful journey, since my youth not always easy as we are strong headed but when i look around i am always in awe of my mother generosity spontaneity joy...as a common friend says "sylviane is always the soul of a party" and i add SHE 'S TRULY THE SOUL OF MY HUSBAND BROTHER AND MYSELF...and if God allows it of her grandchildren to be.
I am not a very extroverted person, rather shy beeing all day with my music in the studio creating makes my day! So when the idea of celebrating my 40 birthday arises i was reluctant, mixed feelings, still have to work my self esteem. and of course as Colin Tipping writes you get what you think...and there it was almost everyone confirmed the invitation and the day before or the D day......just came up with some excuse for not showing up...THE ONES WHO CAME ARE INDEED MY TRUE FRIENDS...but still there's this crawling feeling who is turning me down, une sensation de déjà vu.
WHY do i always feel that others are more important
WHY do i value others more than me
WHY do i depreciate myself
WHY .........
WHY others are always more talented fun bright......than me
I wrote in a former page finally I LOVE MYSELF ......which is true but i realize not completely though otherwise i wouldn't feel so sad and disappointed .
How many more excercises must i do to integrate that it s ok
i m a good person there's nothing shameful inside of me
i don't need to say yes......when i want to say NO
people won't love me more if i constantly say yes on the contrary........
Mixed feelings are hard to go but i trust they will ......
i want to TO GIVE A BIG HUG to my extraordinary husband that i profoundly love and admire.
Merci mon amour pour ta pacience ta force ton courageas another friends say it's karmic between you and Luis and i agree with her.

HAVE FUN.......I had last night ,i dance till exaustion great music BEST FRIENDS EVER super sangria....
THANK YOU MERCI OBRIGADO

First Step

In one week time, i'll turn 40. Wow! So much and so little!
I'm gathering a diaporama with photos of family,friends and as i look back i can't prevent from thinking
Wow i was so skinny at that time and i saw myself as fat or ugly or lacking confidence.
How come! My mom (she's psychotherapist) is going to be happy as though sometimes there's old reminescence of that old feeling they are rare nowadays and rapidly overcome. I can say today that YES I LOVE MYSELF. It's been a long road, very fulfilling and hope the best is yet to come!
I lost some friends along the road, others come along, the door is always open.
more to come this week...

HAVE FUN...enjoy create

HOLYDAYS...

Just arrived from Caracas.4h delay completely exausted. Going to sleep...at last
Tomorrow sea , a lot of sun and i will feel new again

HAVE FUN...

Happy Day...

I wake up this morning full of energy and feeling very creative. The collaborative project "artfest 09 sisterhood" is on...Let's do it!!! I was telling one of my friends one of the things i like the most about art friends is the energy, the empathy...no criticicism, no gossip everything is cool easy. We love to gather, have fun, share, laugh a lot...no matter the distance. I'm very impatient now to receive one of yours books.Who's first? What will be the theme?
One of my dearest friend, who is 84 years old and is a painter once told me that the best gift one can have is to create.I was skeptic but now sees how right she is. When her husband died after 55 years of marriage what sustain her was her creativity, she keeps remind me that; don't you ever forget to create!
I spent the day with my mother, who's a very creative lady too and is very excited...about preparing my 40th birthday. She cooks like "a chef" and has made numerous menu list...It was supposed to be a surprise but i understood that something was happening between her and my husband!!!!!!!! still it 's going to be FUN 40 wow!!! it comes fast doesn't it?

HAVE FUN...and CREATE

a three dog life

It's one in the morning, I can't sleep, I bought this book "a three dog life" by Abigail Thomas and it made me think...

The story is about her husband that  was hit by a car and suffered severe brain damaged...He had no memory of what he did the day and the year before and how she struggles with her new life.

 Powerful book. 

My husband was ill too a few years back and I remember exactly what I was doing and where I was. I remember mostly the panic and the fear; being completely powerless. She says several times that after all those years after her husband accident, she still doesn't accept it.  

How can we accept the inacceptable? How do we find the strength to move on? She says that she discovers a new passion for the outsider art, she just keep moving day after day. I know that if my husband doesn't for a reason answer the phone quickly I imagine the worst. I don't take LIFE for granted anymore...but there are always new dramas ahead to be resolve. For instance, my husband's children come within 3 days, my position will always be a difficult one. Thank's God they have a mother and a father who happens, not to be me unfortunately. So where do I stand? They will never love me no matter what I do or don't as I'd like. Which is normal of course but as I want children on my own and they don't seem to come and maybe never will WHAT DO I DO with my husband's children? I'm not family nor a friend...I'm daddy's new wife(for 7 years now, but still grrrr!!! ) I know that they can't without feeling that their betraying their mom beeing really found of me. I understand a lot but still LIFE is challenging ... Ahead of that I'm thrilled  have a lot of new projects on my mind. Since I've bought the "altered book" by Bev Brazelton, 5 years ago  that I long to make a collaborative project or a round robin as you call it and Artfest made it possible. Let's do it! 

HAVE FUN...CREATE...ENJOY 

Flea market in New York

Look what I found in New York...I brought my brother along and we must have walked...miles in a row but I had this address (thank you Kecia) "the Garage" 112 W, 25 St open only sat and sun, who is just great, and suddenly all the tiredness left!

 I know you girls prefer the one's in Paris ...but I LOVE THE US FLEA MARKETS...just the sound of it makes me happy,(the grass is always better...you know the story).

I bought beautiful stuff, the handwriting letters are awesome the clocks...

I wouldn't mind living for a year in New York...I found this knitting café called after the book "the friday night knitting club" by  Kate Jacobs; that I recommend a very profound and touching book. 

Just receive the last Somerset Studio who is mostly about sisterhood and I thought what about we artfest girls could make a collaborative project? I'm becoming very enthusiast about the whole idea.. Let me know!

HAVE FUN

What really matters?

Look what my next door neighboor hang at my door. Huge zucchini, cucumber, lavender, origan.... That's so thoughtful and delicate of her. Definitely Lisbon is my town...apart of being the place where I was born and brought up, there's a sense of magic in the air, a sense of belonging. I would love though to live in my wooden house, like the ones you have in the US, with nothing but the sea and create from morning till dawn. I believe that God hears our prayers unless we have a different path He just knows better. As for us if we just listen our inner voice in the middle of all the babbling of the mental we too know our path! I brought my "little big brother" in New-York and as we were walking for hours...and had just found this flea market "the garage"(112 W 25th St saturday and sunday only) just out of nothing he told me that I should focus on what really matters.

That is of course positive things and set aside the bad ones. Which I realize is not so easy for example the last flight was one of the worst I've made. The energy wasn't there, the comunication was misunderstood ...on the other hand one of the passengers told me I was the best hostess she had in years and write it down, but I focus mostly on the bad energy that of course led to more bad energy...Stop my mental or have him more disciplined is what I should focus on, unstead of going with the flow....Are we afraid to be HAPPY, to just relax and enjoy. Why do we need to create all this dramas?( to evolve and heal...ok I know...) 

Thank you brother.

HAVE FUN

Titouan Lamazou...in Sao Paulo

I just arrived from Sao Paulo which is not one of my favorites destination! But all the crew had an unexpected surprise as we met Titouan Lamazou in the lobby of our hotel and who invited us to his exposition called "zoe" after his daughter.

The museem was closed and...he made it open for us the modern art museem of Sao Paulo! I was thrilled and completed overwhelmed by his huge talent. He traveled all around the world for the last 10 years, painting only women. Check above all the names of the women...Wow!!!!

My favorite was Pansy, an aborigen artist so powerful. Have you read "message from the true man" from Marlo Morgan? best book ever 

heading tomorrow to the Big Apple.......Love it already

Enjoy create and most of all.....HAVE FUN  

thank you merci obrigado...

I had lunch today with a very dear friend that I haven't seen for 19 years! 

It's a lifetime and yet it's yesterday all the memories came flowing...I was so in awe of her beauty(then and now) her grace, her wisdom...she knew so much we were 15 when I first met her; my parents had just divorced, my mom and my little brother had gone to Paris and I stayed with my dad...who just withdraw from the world at a time when I badly needed answers...We were 2 desperate souls feeling abandoned...the house was so empty .So there was my friend always happy, so equilibrate. 

I remember most of the boys were in love with her

I remember that she had broke a leg and all of her friends came by her house and stayed overnight with endless conversations....

I remember she was the one organizing a farewell party for me

I remember ...

What will I remember in 19 years? 

I know I'm truly blessed. God has given me many treasures and

 I know how TRUE friendship is priceless.

To my old and recent friends  THANK YOU MERCI OBRIGADO

Homework in Paris airports!

Always trying to figure out new solutions to have my hands busy! Nowadays it's becoming very complicated  to travel...no heels no belts no liquids no food....yup!!!! So the bright side is, let's come up with a new solution and there's what I found to carry with me when I'm away...and I love it.Now I want to learn embroidery ...The interesting part is always to look up don't let myself down which doesn't mean I don't cry...(ask my husband!!!) but keep on going. As I'm approaching 40 I am happy of what I am. Life hasn't been easy I have (as we all do) my share of dramas but being able to smile and enjoying life without becoming bitter is what I'm proud of.

Be Happy...Enjoy Create

Love is the answer

How very true...and I would add radical forgiveness. Since I 've read this extraordinary book(from Colin Tipping) I must say that my view towards the world and most of all people has completely changed.

As he so well explains in his book, all the dramas that we have in our life are a call for us to grow, evolve and most of all heal our deepest wonds.

I've been doing the series of exercises that he instruct us to and there are some subtils indication that I'm on the right track...Love is the answer no matter how difficult it can't be sometimes with people who confront us.

I've been in a turnmoil for the last 15 days no much time around my studio...