Who am I ?

Am I in the good track?

What is my purpose in life?

Where do I belong?

Do I make the right decisions?

How can I improve myself?

How can I stop repetitive patterns?

How can I be more confident?

What is there for me?

Do I give enough?

Do I receive enough?

Who I am?

On love

I had this red cover for ages and as you know i'm more into beige. One thing leads to another, i get to be very adaptable last week everything seemed to broke and it did! So i have a new cell phone and had to run to Mac to understand how i could use bluetooth and recover my photos. So this unsettling changes were very positive as i decided to challenge myself in my studio, trying to create new albums with different covers. I was stuck at first, as i usually create something that i would put in my home but not everyone is in the whites and beige...which is ok of course. Being adaptable is one of my motus in life has everything changes and evolves, so it is a good thing to try new paths. Hope you'll like it!
This album is like a fairy tale, love the couple i imagined.
 This handsome man with his moustache, looking very serious is very sensitive and profound and was in advance in his own time, deeply believing that the woman he loved was his equal and they lead a very secrete and creative life. Their love was one that we all want based on trust, friendship, tenderness, respect. I had fun this week end as you can see!
"Love is the answer" Einstein
xo

Rituals

I have just read the post of Nina Bagley about the importance in her life of rituals. She travels all over the year teaching her wonderful and so inspiring workshops and when back at home she lives in a remote and beautiful  place in the mountains. She leads the kind of life i long for...let's see what HE has in mind for me? I do travel a lot has my first job is being a flight attendant, now up to twenty one years still a lot to go! I do have a lot of rituals too first thing in the morning when at home is scratching my husband back... and hugging him then the attention goes to the  cat Frimousse who litterally runs towards the kitchen as if he hasn't eat in years while giving him his favorite dish "sardines" i prepare a french coffee that is an enormous bowl of strong coffee (my portuguese friends fail to understand how we french can drink so much coffee in a row, they are more into several italians coffees during the day ) while sipping my flavored and delicious coffee i talk to my mom. First thing in the morning i need to get connected with my mom, some say that i do need to cut the umbilical row now i reply why? everything in a way or the other will lead us to our moms if she was to present or absent or too authoritative or too permissive etc... My mom is and will be my best friend forever, one that stand by me no matter why aren't we all searching for that kind of relationship in our lives? Anyway, after sometimes two strong bowls of coffee when the jet lag sinks in i start to be more awake and i'm ready for the gym. I've restarted exercising after a hibernating period due to  my hormonals treatments and i feel so good with it. Exercising do gives me punch, i feel more alive after classes like being in my studio in the afternoon creating gives me balance, strengh, and most of all awareness. We do need to have our rituals in this frantic world otherwise we would run out of our bodies. 
I would love though to be a full time artist, traveling once in a while with my husband, having a regular timetable not starting to work for 12 hours of flight at 23h20pm to ......distant lands
 That's the thing about humans we have this constant insatisfaction or is it just me? Don't get me wrong i do love my job but now after so many years and the constant increasing of activities my body feels more reluctant to adjust and recover and i have discovered my passion so creating is like a legal drug to me, i need to create or i start to lose my balance.
As always my dear and talented teacher Nina is an inspiration for me, look below at her beautiful Home
Have a good sunday......I will

xo  

Vataça de Lascaris

Remember I told about this extraordinary woman who lived back in the 13 century? She was the maid of honour of our much Queen Saint Isabel. They were both in the giving. Saint Isabel is known for her Roses miracle and her grand devotion and kindness.
Vataça de Lascaris whose grandfather was the imperor of Byzance was married at thirteen to a much older man who happens to die 10 years later, living her with great wealth. She never remarried which at the time was very rare and she managed to remain very powerful and indispensable at the court.
She was a woman ahead of her time, speaking latin, portuguese, spanish, french. She was a traveler, a business woman with a kind heart and completely devoted to her beloved queen.
I had this request from Miguel Vilhena, film maker, who developed a passion about Vataça, to create an album related in some ways to our grand woman. It was a challenging and most interesting work. Let's see what happens now... check his website www.fosforo-acv.blogspot.com 
Enjoy your week end
Be happy

Find the balance

I have just made this album...and sold it right away which is ok but i like to have them a little with me.
My inspiration came back so let's take the ride while is flowing! I'm debating as always with my sense of time flying and not knowing how to manage day to day life. One of my favorite artists Sally Jean retires for 6 months in her studio warning her friends that she will be unreachable and it seems to work for her.
 It would be a complicated thing to accomplish for me as i sense that i need to be present and available all time! Feeling guilty and restarting biting my nails when not responding to their needs when all i want to do is hiding in my studio and create. Know the feeling...assertiveness is definitely awckard to me but is what life defies me to do  almost every day. How i love to be in my studio, time stands still, i feel creative, alive, whole. There's a inside struggle in my need for others and my urgent need to remain alone. Advises are most welcome....

 Have fun 
xo

Friend forever

Bom regresso ao Porto amiga. My friend is a rare and beautiful soul, one that we feel blessed to have for friend. She was my beautiful godmother at my wedding. I always carry her in my heart as we don't get to see each other very often due to us living in diferent towns.
She is not only beautiful from the outside but her inside is one that we all long to have; a generous and kind heart, a friend that i can call at 3 am in distress knowing that she will come to help me no matter how long it will take her to drive to Lisbon, a friend who knows it all, who understands everything, a friend who never judges others only herself, sometimes i sense she's too hard on her, pushes her body to the limit. 
She's the mother of all of us
She's in the unconditional giving...her task would be each single day to have more time for herself 
She's an ancient soul with a thousand lives behind
She's a shining and remarkable soul
I love you my friend xo

Friendship....

My session to the dentist was terrible (i'm not exagerating...or just a bit) have to return on thursday. No comments! I've got friends popping in from Paris and Porto which is great has there's nothing like being with friends chatting for hours, laughing, eating, drinking even dancing and doing it all over again the next day. It fill one's soul to connect with the ones we love and don't see as often as we would want. 

  The Prophet

  Khalil Gibran

Speak to us of Friendship

 And he answered, saying:

  Your friend is your needs answered.

   He is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

  When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay".

 And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

 For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations 

    are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

  When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

   For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence,

   as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

  And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

   For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own

   mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

    And let best be for your friend.

     If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

     For what is your friend that you seek him with hours to kill?

        Seek him always with hours to live.

       For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

      And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

      For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed

it's one of my favorites author, one that as his place by my bedside
xo

Time to make an amend

Monday morning...another fresh week ahead and I am in a bad mood...My appointment to the "pain killer" is a 4pm, I feel dizzy and it seems that my energy was all taken from me. Know the feeling? When there is so much to do and the body is on strike...just washing myself seems a terrible ordeal. 
I had a terrible argument with a close friend friday night and saturday i was ill, i believe there's a connection as the mind-body work together. 
She's about to date a much younger man and in asking her what would her entourage think about it, our mutual comunication come to a stop. 
I understood that what's IN is to date much younger man which is not my case as my husband...is older! That we would all envy her of course being both strong head and sometimes stubborn it went crescendo...Sorry for the neighboors.

It was very interesting afterwards to talk about it as we didn't stay in our benches we made a move towards each other (that's the good thing of ageing) and we dissecate what went wrong in the comunication. She understood that i was judging her and that something was wrong with her in the age difference. Was I? I consider myself a very open person, being non-judgemental is one of my main qualities. Yet, with insight i realize that if she sense it then i must have judge her...oups! Time to make an amend.We have our own stories to live with diferent scenarios and that's ok. We tend to constantly compare and that is very tiresome i must say. I don't run out of a discussion, things are to be said but as i lack diplomacy i should follow my grandmother advise "ne parler qu à bon escient" or be more tactful, ask an elephant to behave in a crystal shop. See complicated the best is to avoid crystal shops...not easy sometimes we just bump into them. 
What we want to say and what the other understands, there's sometimes an ocean in between.
It was not zen week-end but a profitable one as i make one more little step towards good comunication and tolerance. My brother is completely in love with an older woman and that's ok. LOVE is what matters in the end
xo 
HAVE FUN AND ENJOY

I am a coward

I am a coward! I should have been to the dentist long ago... I'm so scared that i postpone it every single day. I'm lucky to have a very sweet kind and pro dentist who happens to be very patient but still.....deep down I don't trust her or any other of their colleagues. So it turns out to be very complicated! My reptilian brain is scared out of death...when I in the waiting room my body feels tense and starts to sweat at high speed. it's uncontrolable! Now is sunday so tomorrow I have to go, as i am suffering too much. silly girl! wish me luck!
have a good and happy sunday

To remain a child

To remain a child is truly the secret of happiness. To value what we have instead of wanting always more and more. That's basically what the journalist wrote in her article so how come it's so difficult for most people? We are constantly submerged by advertising, trash magazines and tv a friend told me. Yes it is true but on the other hand you can turn the tv off and not reading those magazines (i know you don't buy them....) in the hairdresser and so on... It is easier as the Dalai Lama says to live in beautiful hymalayas than downtown Paris at the rush hours (when the metro isn't on strike of course! ) but i believe that it takes discipline to be truly happy. 

The significant change around in years to come will definitely be "how to be positive and happy" and that from kindergarden till adulthood. The schools will have workshop on happiness as they used to have about values. Crazy idea? I sense a new era, our knowledge of the brain and his impact in our day to day life is about to burst out. I believe will come to use 20% of our brains in a near future. Times are changing... well in the meantime I'm going to exercise my butt that needs it badly!
Have a beautiful day
Live like a child happy and content
xo

Are you Happy?

Yesterday, after a perfect day in the beach, shower taken, feeling relaxed and cool, I took this portuguese magazine "Happy" and come upon this article about Happiness. 

The question that the journalist kept asking around her while doing her research was:

ARE YOU HAPPY?

Reactions where almost the same for everyone, utter embarrassment, as if it was a bad word! She was most surprised in realizing that in fact few people acknowledged being truly happy, most of them wish they had a better life, working less, a bigger house, a fashion car.... 

What whose the secret of the happy few?

What do you think?

ARE YOU HAPPY?

xo

Feeling good

After 3 years of laziness ...I just started gym again in full turbo! Wow it really feels good one always think how come if it feels so good have you stopped? Lack of self discipline, others things to do that felt more important at the time bla bla.....excuses that i fail to understand as after a good hour of exercising one feels energize clean from within. I have so many questions and so few answers ...but Life is an ongoing process right?
So after a relaxed summer back to the studio to create and that to feels good.
As children are about to begin school here in Europe there's always a time for me to rethink my life and goals for the year ahead. 
I do have plenty of projects still little time to realize them but that's one of my main goals for 2011 TAKE THE TIME TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR ME without feeling guilty or selfish... As by now I integrate that the lack of afirmation brings in the end conflict with the ones I love most, so let's take the problem at roots and learn definitely to say NO I'M NOT IN THE MOOD, I HAVE OTHERS PLANS...
Ring a bell? I sense is more a woman problem than male, as we tend to be in a constant flow of giving. Aren't we all from Venus? 
Going to take a nap that feels good too....


HAVE FUN CREATE SHARE XO