I need to pray.I come to realize over those years as my life hasn't turn the way I wanted it to be, that I forgot God. I remember back in my thirties how much I crave for love, how worry I was to remain alone. That was my ultimate desire , TO BE IN LOVE.Then I met Luis my beloved husband and remember this is it...Finally I'm Home little did I know that LIFE is an ongoing struggle(at least for me of course).
Don't get me wrong, I value the love we have together, deeply believe it's rare, profound and unique, but I HAD A DREAM....
The dream of the husband,2 childrens and the dog or a cat!!!!!
So common one could say,I don't want to climb the everest or save the world, just to add my small contribution by loving family and friends the best I can. That's where I forgot God and become very enraged for a moment and still am once in a while! How can this happen to me, I refuse despite the utter evidence that I'm in a fertility program that maybe it won't work, maybe I will never hold my child,maybe after all those years there's no happy end. I heard so many stories with so many solutions.I still have 3 to go...and now I've become so confused, do I really want a child or I relish the idea of beeing like everyone else, beeing part of the whole? Am I forcing God's will? Am I punished? My husband repeats me that it's like a mantra, an obsession. We tend to believe with all this positive new age current that everything is possible, we have the control of our lives....when did we came up with this absolutely crazy idea? God is in charge and will always be. Period, no need to argue or to bargain. My mental is ok with that but deep within I recognize it's difficult TO LET GO, REALLY BECOME A BELIEVER THAT GOD KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.
How do you manage to achieve that? So many questions without answers...One just had to experience, bad or good in the end that's what we came here for? isnt'it?
I managed not to drown completely over this last four years, a new world of creativity and friends opened to me with mixed media. Be blessed. I'm proud of me as I choose the LOVE PATH, not always easy the bitter one was so close but I fight back. Maybe I will never become a mother but definetely I become a better person and don't we all have ours wounds to heal?
LOVE IS THE ANSWER...and always will be
Nb: If you're in Paris go Rue du bac to have this miraculous medals, there's a certain energy around.
BE BLESSED........HAVE FUN