Do i give enough?

We all live thinking we are imortals. I mean of course we know we are going to die but it seems so far away in the rush of all the important things we have to accomplish! My beautiful grand mother passed away when i was still a teenager and there isn't a single day that i don't thing of her in a way or the other.
The longing of her smile her hugs her odor "opium" all the secrets we share. I thought she would live forever never see her aging. 
A very close friend had an unexpected and sudden death in her family, the wave of despair comes and paralysed her. No words will comfort her.
I took me a while before going to sleep with the same endless questions  
 Do i give enough? 
Am i a good wife?
Am i good sister?
Am i a good daughter?
Am i a good friend?
Am i ........
Looking back i don't remember most of the discussions i had with my relatives or friends. So why have them in the first place? How can we erase the useless ego?

If i should die tomorrow...Do i have any regrets? Did i make up with past friends? Did i say how much i love my father for all the confidence he gave me? Did i say my mother how much i love her and admire her? Did i say my little big brother how much i am proud of him? Did i say my red hair friend how much she is a fighter and an example to follow? Did i say my astrologuer friend what an extraordinary intuition she have and how brave she is? Did i say my favorite single mother how she is a courageous?

Do i say enough how much I deeply LOVE  my half and how much i admire him? 
But more than saying it...am i living and acting with love? 
Do i listen enough?
Do i pay enough attention?
Do i ?.........
What remain of us when we leave? 
Have a good week...
Xo

Are you open?

Just finished two extraordinaries books "The Help" Kathryn Stockett and "Shanghai girls" Lisa See.
Both about discrimination and injustice and how women fight back, never giving up their dreams and their ability to give no matter what.
We are transported back in the sixties, Mississipi, how black women cooked, cleaned and raised little white children and have their own private toilets because of the diseases they might carry for example or others discriminations each one worse than the others.
"Shanghai girls" is the beautiful story of two sisters back in the sixties too, who after their father lost his fortune were sold and went living in chinatown Los Angeles and couldn't get out of it no matter what.
I am fortunate to have been raised by a french mother and a portuguese father both open to the world. I remember the parties in our house where my father was at the time responsible for black and arab countries. I remember mom wearing the traditional boubou offered to her by the Senegal's ambassador. I knew from childhood that we are equals in rights. In reading those powerful books i tried to imagine what would have been my reactions in those terrible years. Would i have been brave? Would i have been coward? I realize that the ultimate gift my parents offered me are the openess and the tolerance.
I am at home anywhere in the world in a rich or in a poor house i will adapt and be thankful for it.

There is still i believe much to be done towards tolerance, information or most of the times the lack of it is the main responsible for all the fears towards the "ones that are supposedly different".
Hope you like my new "memories" album...
Have a good week
Xo

Le grand Bleu

How odd!  I just received an email from my first love back when i was seventeen... It didn't last long but for me it lasted a lifetime. I relish that year as one of total happiness, my grand-mother moved on with us as she wanted "to divorce" after fifty years of marriage as my grand father didn't make the celebrations of half a century they spent together. We didn't take it seriously but loved having Mamie around everyday she cooked us different and delicious meals, sewing in the afternoon, her hands never at rest. 
My first love looked like Mickey Rourke, one of the handsome guys in school and he asked me to date him!  I was feeling whole, my dreams had came true. I remember him as one does with first love with romantic eyes, we never argue, we had fun, we danced... we spent endless hours talking. He had this "mobylette" that i thought was sooooo cool riding behing him feeling his male scent how unerving that was and exciting! We were free spirited but still so shy. He was very protective over me, felt for the first time beautiful and bright.
I remember how my grand-mother loved the idea, how i could count on her. I used to smoke at the time he didn't...clever guy! 
It was 24 years ago...but a simple email brought it back as it was yesterday. I loved those months one of the happiest in my life.

What a pleasant and unexpected surprise. It all come out through the blog. As i look back now i realize that all my past is in my present and certainly in my future. I keep on with friends from childhood who know me for ages, who know me by heart from friends that i have met up recently where souls recognizes themselves out from criativity. Love this continuity,  this balance, this knowing where i come from but this freedom to be who i want to be and hopefully there's a lot ahead of me. I have learned my lessons over the years, don't take anything for granted.
How odd that my first love and my forever love over the centuries  share the same passion for a film a a music " le grand bleu"Eric Besson  when they aren't the same age nor from the same nationality.
God's way i dare to write....
Have a good week
Xo

2011...you go girl!

  Between Christmas and New Eve time stands still,  there are always a lot of joy and gratitude in the air.
 It's a moment of peace where families and friends get together, share, exchange, bounds become more profound each year. It's a moment to remember with tenderness the ones that are no longer but will remain forever in our hearts. It's a time of rest where the worries lay aside, where we take good resolutions hoping that this year maybe we can keep some of them.....for a month at least! December is a blessed month for me, preparing with love and care the presents, forseeing their happiness, knowing that mom is cooking delicious meals that i won't find anywhere in the world. It's a moment to remember those who are alone or like this year who have their flights cancelled and couldn't make it to their destination. It's a moment to make amend. I cherish the dream that next year will be better that the crisis will pass that abundance will return that we have learned the lessons out of it.
It's a moment of expectation
 What is there for me in 2011?
 What insights will i receive?
Will i grow and evolve?
Will i understand what is there to be worked out?
Will i have the guts to do it?
So many answered questions .....

Have fun
Remember to laugh every day
Give 
Listen 
Share
Create
Dance with your love
Cook chocolates cake and drink them with champagne
Right love letters to your love and hide them in his trousers
Breath
Pray

Live life fully

Joyeux Noel

Wish you all a very good christmas

Thanks for your kind and encouraging comments

Meet you in 2011

Peace Love Happiness

XO

Yes I can

Love my new spoons...there are more in my studio but the weather was cloudy this morning and i had to rush to take my flight...who is more than 3 hours delayed but still i will manage to arrive in Paris tonight 

Tomorrow heading to one of the few towns where i would love to live for a year...you name it New York but then Shanghai appeals to me and Rio de Janeiro as well. Different energy different people but i love to mingled and wouldn't mind settle for a while and discover the "real"town not the tourist one.

If i had to pick one then it would be Port Towsend. There's the amazing mountains views, the beaches, the art galleries, the fabulous mixed-media workshops, Artfest, Artifiberfest, the fisherman's all this in a small wonderful little town. No crowded plenty of fresh air

 

2010 is ending

2011 new resolutions

GROW

LOVE

GIVE

CREATE

RECEIVE

FORGIVE

LEARN

BELIEVE

BE HAPPY

ACCEPT

UNDERSTAND

EXERCISE

MEDITATE

DANCE

LAUGH

COMUNICATE

ACHIEVE

LISTEN

2011 wishes

Be inspired

Create

Visit Rome

Learn how to take good pictures

Take a lot of sunbath

Dance tango with my man in Buenos Aires

Create(am i repeating myself...)

Learn some chinese

Improve my spanish

Learn new receipes from my mom

Improve my sewing

Eat plenty of tiramisu

Ok make a light diet...

Eat plenty of chocolate cake

Exercise...

Meditate in Macchu Picchu 

Going to my favorite beach Guincho

Have fun with my friends

Improve some relationships

Trust each day a little more

Grow

Have some caipirinhas

Listen to good music

Read a lot

 Open myself to the unknown

...........

Xo

Live and let die

Last year I had installed my studio in this amazing shop Fabrico Infinito and create throughout the day...most of the time having endless conservations with the owner Marcela Brunken i must admit! We had fun...She is a big fan of my work, was and still is  among the ones to continuously promote my art.
Yesterday at a fancy dinner a friend was surprised that i present myself as Alex Castro Ferreira my single name and not with my married name and as an artist. Labels are hard to remove! But it make me wonder of the importance on male tradition which is still very implanted on our portuguese society( not to say around the world) and on how people see us.
I am a flight attendant .......and also an artist.
I am a woman of passion who is eager to learn evolve grow accepting the ups and downs of Life

Live and let die...famous quote of my husband.
Enjoy your day 

On trust

a

I was just telling a friend that whatever i tell to others is always "the mirror effect" that means it can applied to me. This week-end was a huge step for me as I let my husband run the fair and just popped in around 2pm, letting  him decorate and sell my craft  in his own way. I am proud of me because trying to control everything means that i fail to trust Life. 
I trust him and the results were awesome being Luis an excellent seller. I used to say he can sell machine guns to nuns if he's in the mood! Another step on my ongoing therapy process and one that will bring me utter happiness.

Have a good week

I feel good the jet lag stayed in Shanghai... 

xo

CRAFT AND DESIGN Christmas 2010

Perfect day no clouds spring temperature lovely time spent in jardim da Estrela along with my husband, mother and special friend Alex. Last week was another story with cold and rainy weather but still the public showed up, christmas is at the door! I must say that i am running out of spoons which is cool because i loved them and am happy that people find the idea amusing and fashionable.
I was blessed last saturday with the meeting of an old (we have known each other since kindergarden) and dear friend that i haven't seen for quite a while, can't remember why life as set us apart, probably just that... Life! Last time she was single and now she is married with two beautiful sons, i met only the youngest who looks so much like her. That's the kind of gift I receive with profound gratitude, can't wait to be with her again. We are born on the 4th of august in Lisbon in 1969 same hospital! How cool is that? We used to have the same bad temper...i do sense that now she being a mother she must be more patient! I still have a long road ahead... but we share the same openness and generosity among other things.

Have a good week-end

Xo

Cadeaux de Noel

Tomorrow another market "Craft and design", the forecast is a cloudy but sunny day with temperatures around 13C which is ok considering the wave of low temperature in europe at the moment. I still have plenty of unfinished albums at my studio but running out of time to complete them so i will relax today as everything is ready to pack, must be my german side! I can say that the previous year was a determinant one for me despite my tiredness i manage to create a lot.
With insight 2010 was a determinant year for me:


I am proud of me
I love myself inside in an out
I am an artist
I  was able to create  
I have a place to create
I have plenty of new ideas
I am truly blessed
I love my life
I accept the up and downs
I engulfed into them
I love my albums
I love my spoons
I love notebooks
I love my necklaces
I love my art world
I love being alive
I love my nests
I love the circle of friendship around me
I love to give
I accept to receive
I am happy
I am blessed to be in good health
I love being who i am.....
I feel fortunate
I feel abundance
I feel enpowered
I am a woman in love
and now i can say

I LOVE MYSELF each day further and deeper
Gratitude for the constant gifts i receive
I am blessed
Have a good week end
xo