Is it true?

Is it true? At least i want to believe it is. Just got out of my therapy pretty shaked, feeling rather insecure on what the future holds for me. Yesterday, i told a dear friend who is quite vulnerable too, how much i was tired (we all were) of her constants breakdowns, grief, anger, self centerdness...when i was talking i felt pretty sure that "i was right" she MUST do something about it, she's drowning and will certainly take us with her if we let her! Then today i realize during the session, how difficult it is to change from our old patterns, one will do everything most of the times to prevent the unbereable suffering, to hide ourself within anger, despair, bitterness...
I do feel however that we need to be shaken from time to time, though it would be easier to just stay very still and listen the constants rumblings but is it true friendship not trying to help?
Everyone has his own Life with his own timing, to know when to help and when to withdraw requires a skill that i haven't mastered yet!




I have to follow my own path 
I want to follow my own path
I need to follow my own path


Will I have the courage to confront loneliness?
Will I have the guts to stand still?
Will I have the strengh?
Will I have the profound desire to choose LIFE towards death?

 

The only true that i know is that change comes from us and us only...
May God help me and those who are in need...
Que ta volonté soit faite Seigneur

 

What is true today is untrue tomorrow and so on...at least for me don't know for you? Today i just skip the craft and design fair...not just like that! A lot went on my mind since three in the morning, out of sleep thanks to the jet lag, i had to wake up at seven which is rather complicated for me used to work mostly at nights but still i'm a very person "one must do what one has to do even if we don't feel like".

There is no obligation to attend the two days but i always had in the past, being there at eight to catch a good spot, under the trees, close to the little shop.... so this morning i decided i was to tired to go. Wow! It's 11am now feeling a little unconfortable, still with some doubts maybe i should have? but i'm happy and sense i've made a good decision. The mixed media, scrapbooking, altered books whatever was the way i choose to prevent me from falling into depression when the question of not conceiving become more and more accurate. So it was pleasure all the way, the workshops i attend in the states and in Paris were so much fun and valuable. I get to meet artfriends who were and are so talented. I was most welcomed and that means the world to me, i was finding a new road not the one i expected or wished but a very precious one. 

Pleasure, fun, exploring, that is what i want to keep in mind because one can be engulfed by the "Do and Don't" what will work best? what will sell best(grrr......)  

I WANT TO BE FREE

I WANT TO CREATE

It's a struggle within me that i want to overcome.

I WANT TO HAVE FUN 

So today was a major issue for me, not going to the fair because i didn't want it, was quite something. I'm improving!

 I've just started to read "hands of light" by Barbara Brennan where she explains us how does the energy field works and how we can use it in our daily lives. Another big little step...

Today i will be in my studio creating and having fun.

Just bought more spoons that i love to fill in with resin, a few ideas that i want to try on...

HAVE A GOOD SUNDAY...i will

DOUBTS and HOPES...

Working in my studio, several albums in progress, feeling excited again though there's this unusual tiredness who kepts nagging me, i was wondering why is it that portuguese readers don't comment more in my blog? The question is do they write on others blogs? I've discovered the last week that they are more people than i thought who actually follow me but it's rather frustrating not having more feed back. I feel kind of lonely in this net world. So the question that arises is do i continue it or do i stop it? 
Many questions pop in my head: 
Is my blog interesting?
How could i improve him?
What lacks?
Should i write more about me? or less?
Should i show more or less pictures of my work?

I need the quietness of my studio
I need to be alone to create, every artist i guess
but....
I need to stay in touch
I need to connect
I need to feel that i'm not alone
I need to share
I need to exchange ideas, thoughts, experiences
otherwise...
i'm feeling more and more vulnerable
my "saboteur" gets in the way telling me that is useless
that i'm not an artist
that i'm not creative
that i have nothing new to say...bla bla ....


That is one of the main reasons i attend this craft and design fair every month.
I crave the public
I anticipate all the talk with others artists
I feel excited just to be among them
I love "small talk" with the public
I cherish every compliment 
I feel blessed  to create and to sell my art

I have many friends suggesting me to have a little shop, "Alex world" that would be awesome!
To be able to withdraw a little for flying and having my albums, agendas, necklaces in a little shop that would be a dream come true.
The seed has been definitely plant within me...i hope it will grow on his own time. 
Let's ask God for advice he never turns back on us!
My grandmother had several boutiques one of "chiffons" and others librarys. She was made for it, always friendly, patient, smiling, suggesting. I take after her that's for sure as i love the contact with the public.
I remember a few years back, having my astrologic theme made by a delicious and funny french woman who told me that one day i would stop feeding passengers and give other kind of food to the public.
I will ask my very intuitive and talented portuguese friend Ana for advice, though that make me immediately thinking how can i conciliate creating and being in the shop with the day to day worries of the bills coming in so one has to sell....See there's still some work to do with my therapist!

Always the need  to control ones life when i should know by now that's the only thing i can control...is the let go, "lâcher-prise"... but is an ongoing process i'm still a baby in the path but hopefully i will inprove.
I don't know what planet is influencing me at the moment but it must be a confusing one, saturn maybe?
Lot of questions few responses need to quit...hey how about a good walk in the beach?


have fun....

A talented friend

I've just spent a lovely week-end! Romantic diner with my beloved in a very gay restaurant which was most fun...then sweating in the dance floor with a remix disco sound! Too bad they feel the need to remix it...i simply love disco even before the huge success of "Mamma mia"!  In Lisbon, singers like Claude François, Dalila who are icones in France are definitely old fashioned...so i end up dancing alone in my house for a few minutes my friends nodding with compassion....waiting for the real music to come up. 

Then we had this very dear friends who came by our house... on sunday and while we girls were chatting endlessly men were preparing the meal! and what a diner it was...a tree stars Michelin. 
This friend is an artist who doesn't recognize himself as one. Sad but true...at least for the moment. It's such a waste when one finds many excuses to keeps us apart from our inner self. He's so TALENTED but seems to never find the time to dedicate to his creativity. I suggest him "the artist's way" by Julia Cameron who is truly "the artist's bible". She provides us with so many useful exercices and liberating ones. Our creativity flows if we take the time to just aknowledge that it's there, maybe hidden but still there each layer screaming for freedom. 

What does it take to be creative?
What does one need to create?
What prevents us from our true self?




I paint two walls in my kitchen, so we can draw, write whatever we feels ...and here is this beautiful elephant draw by my dear friend, looks a bit sad to me but hey.......who am i to say so!
it's a good omen as his tail his opposite the front door so that means GOOD LUCK. 


Hopefully his creativity will reveals itself don't know when but in opinion the "when" is not important what is vital for all of us is truly to let out what we are here for.




TO BE WILLING TO
TO BE BRAVE
TO BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT
TO ENJOY THE BLESSINGS OF LIFE...

Good health

There's nothing like being in good health and when one is usually in good shape to take it for granted!
So out of the blue i caught this intoxication back in San Francisco...was it the fear of crossing the Golden Gate that made me vulnerable plus the pouring rain! Don't know for sure but i'm pretty ill for a week now which is unerving as i have SO  many projects...Don't we all? 
Today back to the hospital with a violent pain in my right ear which prevent me from sleeping last night and a double otite as a result! I'm much enjoying my holidays! Tomorrow dentist!  
The extraordinary part is that the otites is truly my body eliminating scories from the past. I am doing this regressive therapy, check at www.barbarabrennan.com  (for those who are interested) and yesterday was a very powerful session! It takes courage and determination to start a therapy, to heal from our deepest wounds and fears. I had never sensed so rapidly in my body the healing power at work so i accept it and even cherish it though it means feeling vulnerable in the middle.
I hope of course that the outcome will be a more criative and loving Life. 

 I have so many ideas and projects going on that now i must be assertive! Which is very complicated as i tend to avoid it.Being assertive is not being selfish! everyone knows that, i know it but still...in my mind that means i come first for the moment so i m not very available for those around and i feel...GUILTY. Thanks to our catholics education being guilty for no particular reason seems to be the natural way... and escaping from it takes again courage.
I'm in the process of growing up, of being a woman who has a Life of its own, who is able to made her own decisions and TRUST her inner thoughts and intuition. See why i'm ill! Pretty scary hein... but very much challenging too.
Tonight, even with all my medicine, I'm going along with my husband to assist a conference held by Matthieu Ricard, budhist and personal assistant of the Dalai Lama. Researches have been made, in his brain and the results are spectacular as his degree of total happiness is so prodigious that it escape all statistics! We are very excited to be able to listen to a holy man and to benefit from his imense aura.


Tomorrow there's "NOITES DO PRINCIPE REAL" Rua D Pedro V em festa. I'll tell you more...


HAVE FUN ... RELAX 

I did it!

My inner child is HAPPY... A week ago I receive a mail from SIC(portuguese television) to know if i was ok to realize an album for Fátima Lopes "Vida Nova" for her birthday! I was so excited that i imediately say yes without thinking...i'm leo ascendant sagitarius.... so when i opened my timetable i discover that her birthday were in a week ahead and not in 15 as i  had guessed. To tell it was an enormous challenge is still far ahead from the true as i usually made my albums within 2 months in a calm  and relax way! 
So here i was confronted with the" task of doing a good job" for the most popular  portuguese talk show presentator. Her team are not only professionals but most of all kind and true people so in the end it turn out easier than it seemed.
As ideas were flowing came the worry "what should i dress" know the feeling girls!!! i've got absolutely nothing to wear total panic so here i go with a very sexy friend.......who choose for me ......a very sexy outfit......that my husband and mom hate from the start. Everyone was giving those wild ideas even my friend Franck told me to wear......my wedding dress so it was fun in between panic.
In the end ........ Fátima Lopes loved my present and she even cry with emotion. I mean what more does an artist want! She was deeply touched and made me a compliment that almost make me cry as well:" People do trust you, Alex, to confide their most precious treasures to you, you are blessed"
I've learned once again that we are more capable than what we think at first.
New doors have opened to me can't wait the next challenge!


Have fun....

I am happy...

 Those were definitely happy times, no worries at all, everything was cool and easy. I'm doing a diet for two months now, so far so good! It's the easiest i've done till now but still...there are times like now for example where i could eat 2 tablets of chocolates plus biscuits plus pasta at pestou plus....okay! you've getting the point i'm not starving because i can eat whatever proteins i want but is there something better than waking up in the morning preparing a large bowl of hot coffee and french baguette with plenty of butter and marmelade? My mental is swirling again so i'm rushing to the kitchen to eat my low fat iogurt with plenty of sweetener. 
Today is one of those difficults days when i just want to be in bed for the whole day, savouring an old romantic movie with a chocolate coffee vanilla ice cream...
Instead i'm going to eat my hamburger with my sunny side up egg, which is not so bad!
Step by step, one day after another with patience . My new mantra starting today " my life is easy and smooth, each day is getting better" What do you think? My mother is studying astrology and told me that  i have Saturn apparently in an ackward position where it meant" life is difficult, i have to struggle....bla bla bla......" Stop i will stop, starting today, at least i will try as it's becoming with ageing "less fun" to fight endlessly.

As we say in french "suite aux prochains episodes" step by step i will succeed in being more relaxed, less stressed...and most of all in being more patient with my husband.
i'll tell you all about it. Have a good  and a happy week-end.

Portugal Treasure album

• My little brother gave me this exciting idea about a making a portuguese album... I love everything that is old, i just took old vintage portuguese postcards, made two drawers, inside them  write down what is portugal to me, like Mosteiro dos jerónimos, Fado, Alfama, Torre de Belém, Dom Afonso Henriques, pastéis de nata...  a very small notebook with a portuguese traditional old boat, add a knitting made by my mother with a necklace "remember"and Voilà! 
• I love it ...
• I call it treasure album, as it will (i hope) always be a reminder for the lucky buyer how Portugal is a beautiful country, rich of his past and positive about his future. We are a land of imigrants, of travelers, of seekers, of courageous man and women. Our past is a magnificent one, we are proud of who we are and of whom we became.

I love being portuguese (and french too that's another album!!!) I know where my past lies through my father, i can trace my family back to the 17th century, so my roots and my sense of belonging is very strong and that gives me an inner strengh to go worlwide  with an open and curious mind .

• 
  
  

A wish little house

I

I made this wish house for a 11 years old boy that i m very found of. He's very creative and has a wild imagination, i sincerely hope that he cherish my little wish house. There's a box for him to write down his secret desires and i told him he should keep them for himself! He loves the idea...... let's see what happens!!!!!
Today i get up very early at 6 am...wow and spend my day in my studio. The morning was quite frustrating, i started some cover books but was stuck in the process of "now what i'm going to tell inside the book? Very unnerving, in the middle my cat frimousse was very excited too (guess whose fault!) and my coffee machine that i absolutely love and brought from Paris, as they don't sell this branch here in Portugal just broke!!!! grrrrr relax breathe in breathe out... there's still my favorite tea with plenty of milk and sweetener. 
My mom and her overwhelming generosity brought me some "fromage blanc" so i could create!!!!!!!!!!! and gave me the idea of what i could put inside my books; old postcards from Portugal. So that was it, my good mood came again like the tide i was flying again.
Wish reminds me that it happens a lot when we are supposedly stuck that's when we are about to move on a little forward.
So i'm tired but fully satisfied. it's been a rewarding day.

BE HAPPY....... CREATE and DREAM A LOT

Bon anniversaire Maman...

A friend told me recently that all the girls think their mom are beautiful! My mom is beautiful inside in and out. She sparkles when she enters a room, carrying her luminous energy, her incredible charm and charism. I have always profoundly admire my Mom for her beauty of course but most of all for her strengh, outstanding intuition( she knows it all.......) her wits, her culture, her "savoir vivre and savoir faire".

One doesn't forget Sylvianne Jung...she's quite a character!

she's fun

she's happy no matter what

She has fought many battles in her life never gave up

she's a natural leader

She acts every day trying in her own way to make a better world, in helping others via therapy so they can feel happy and accomplished or with her day care with elderly people.

My mom is always there for us and for others. People do love her for her incredible energy and utmost strengh.

I am truly blessed as she's my best friend, my confidant, my support, to be able to rely on her, to know that i can trust her no matter what, she's has and always be there for me as i am for her. One of my deepest regrets over the years was that we are not alike......at all physically we don't look like mom and daughter! I remember when trying to find my perfect wedding dress that the ladies used to tell me: how nice of you to come along with your mother in law!

I remember too how it would have been great to have my little Sacha that resembles her grandmother!

So over the years my mother is like a good french Bordeaux wine, she's becoming more and more luminous and compassionate and tender and........... Je t'aime schoune

Je suis fière d être ta fille

Today is Adriana birthday too a very dear friend, mother of 6, who has this incredible intuition too. Wish you all the best as she's going through rough times but she's got the ability and the strengh to come over it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY....BON ANNIVERSAIRE...PARABENS....