artfest 2010

I don't know for you girls but it was an extraordinary time for me. Tiring though as from lisbon the jet lag is quite important minus 8 hours.....and as we(Margarida and I) wanted to do everything, to taste it all of course we had busy and fulfilling days. I started with this fun class of Patricia Seggebruch "encaustic wax" along with Amanda and Adie which was cool. We were in kindergarten playing, having fun exploring several techniques. Great way to start Artfest. I took 2 days with Susan Lenart Kazmer" journal resin and metal patina" who is has much talented and optimistic. 

I was so excited i skipped twice lunch......which rarely ever happens to me(i usually don t forget lunch time!!!!) she teaches us so many new techniques that i can t wait to try in my studio.   Above is where i had my classes this year, love it love it......Amanda teaches us how to solder along with Andrea, his mom and Nikki that was so cool even if i had to get out early to crawl literally to bed!!!!! So many good memories, beeing with another 570 women in a beautiful spot surrounded by deers, birds....creating all day long, exchanging all kind of different ways to create. I'm truly blessed to be part of that and being fully integrated by my art friends. Life has teached me by now that indeed, blessed are the ones who have a passion whatever it might be. Passion is the ultimate healer in ones life, our secret garden, our inner self.In a world of competition, of wild consuming, to be able to recycle, to stay still and create it's  God gifts.I would love to live in a spot like Port townsend, small enough to know my neighbours, with a golf course for my husband and plenty of workshops all year round so i can improve my skills and least but not the last a beautiful wooden house with a lake view. Sounds just perfect, as Teesha suggested us to write our own fairy tale........and who knows God listen to it! My perfect life would be to work only 50% "in the air" just what it takes to sightseeing around the world and be in my studio everyday from 8am till 8pm and create create create........It takes courage to live ones dream has our rigid mental stands on the way, warning us of all the bad things that would probably happened if we dare to live truly the life we want! but nevertheless i'm a positive girl and i do believe that i'm today living a more fulfilling life than i was 10 years ago when my goals seemed at the time so materialistic( buy shop buy shop...grrrrr!!!!!) so who knows? If God allows me i will definitely be in Artfest 2011... in the meantime i'm running to my studio my neurones are in a wild speed of creativity!

HAVE FUN.........CREATE...........LAUGH.........DANCE.............

DIA DO PAI / FATHER'S DAY

Esqueci me durante anos do dia do pai.....em portugal porque em França era noutra altura. Acabava por telefonar ao meu pai antes ou depois nunca na data x! O meu pai nunca ficava aborrecido, sempre feliz por me ter ao telefone e por não o ter esquecido. Como se isso fosse possível! Tenho ainda a sorte de ter o meu pai presente e disponivel, resmungão mas isso faz parte da familia Castro Ferreira...Nunca foi um pai galinha, nunca me castigou, desde cedo acreditou em mim e continua admirativo com as minhas "realizações", sempre pronto ajudar-me, dando me conselhos sábios somente quando os peço, transmitiu-me as suas raizes vindas do norte onde a familia é sagrada e intocável. Deu me o gosto de conhecer o mundo, de querer estar sempre bem informada, do trabalho bem feito, da importançia de ser bem educado e de saber estar. Ao meu pai devo as minhas raizes, o meu orgulho de ser portuguesa e françesa, de saber de onde venho e para onde vou. FEARLESS...Uma filha acha sempre que o pai é um borracho(claro que no meu caso é verdade!!!) Lembro- me de ficar frustrada quando vivia em Paris e de ele me aconselhar que se eu casasse com um português seria óptimo e que se fosse do mesmo bairro que eu ainda melhor! Foi ele que me apresentou o Luis que cresceu e viveu a sua infância toda no Restelo,eu na rua tristão vaz, o Luis na ilha da madeira... Afinal o meu pai tinha razão, nisso também costuma ser um pouco chato....agora que já tenho 40 também consigo ter razão de vez em quando!Mas o importante é ser mesmo feliz e sei que nada faz o meu pai mais feliz do que saber que os filhos estão bem.

Talvez a coisa mais importante que o meu pai me tenha transmitido além de eu ser uma filha muito desejada, logo muito amada, foi a confianca e a admiração que ele tem por mim. 

                                      Merci Papa je suis fière d être ta fille.  Merci Papi pour ta droiture, ta fierté, ton immense courage.

Merci de m'avoir appris a reconnaître un bon bordeaux, un bon camenbert.

Merci de m'avoir fait écouter de si belles musiques Obrigado ao meu falecido sogro que me aceitou de imediato. 

Homem de poucas falas assim como os meus avôs, sabia no entanto que gostava de mim por pequenas coisas, um sorriso, um despertar no olhar quando me via, um desafio para uma partida de golfe, o privilégio de ouvir histórias de outros tempos que eu adoro contadas vezes sem fim sempre com o mesmo entusiasmo.

A comunicação nem sempre é fácil entre pais e filhos, existe rivalidades, desencontros excepto raras excepções vejo sobretudo pais sem jeito que amam profundamente os seus filhos e por pudor, não lhes sabem transmitir e o tempo vai passando, chega um dia em que já não é possível abraçar, ouvir aquela voz tão caracteristíca do nosso querido pai e fica um remorso e um peso tremendo. Tenho me apercebido que o orgulho é um dos nossos maiores inimigos e contra ele luto, nada é pior do que os que ficam com tanto para dizer e saber que já não é mais possível. Sei que sou abençoada por ter escolhido o meu pai. 

Have fun enjoy create....

No return Home

How can one commit suicide? A dear and forever friend of my husband took his Life in a tragic way. How desperate can one be? Why is Life so difficult for certain people and easier for others? Why Why Why???So many unknown answers. I have been asked do you thing it's coward or brave ? Though i don't think the question is relevant, i think is both. It takes courage to take an irreversible decision, there's no way back, no second thoughts on the other hand how about those who care, who are left behind? with an overwhelming sense of guilt,despair, loss.

What keep us here when everything that matters are in a chaos?

 When we loose everything? 

When there seems to be no issue, no way out?

 When HOPE drifts away?

How deep can a man drown ?

but most of all.......               WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE?

It was forty years of friendship......a LIFETIME 

May his soul rest in peace.

Poem from Khalil Gibran "the prophet":

And a youth said,Speak to us of Friendship.

And he answered,saying:

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay".

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words,in friendship,all thoughts,all desires, all expectations are born and shares, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit..........

May his soul rest in peace.

30 days to Artfest, my trades are almost......finish!!!! still 100 to go...he he he but i don't stress it's supposed to be fun right? I listen to my inner child and deep into it with delight. I've learned the lesson. I've just arrived from Rio de Janeiro who's called "cidade maravilhosa" (wonderful city) which it is for her outrageous beauty, the landscape is awesome and most of all the "cariocas"( people from Rio) are one of the most happy people in the planet. Give them the beach, the football and the samba and they glow with joy. Trying to figure out why they are so happy though they have so "little" from  our material standards and i guess they have understood that life will bring it's share of burdens so WHY NOT BE HAPPY ALL ALONG, TODAY!...

and that brings me to how can i help a friend who is drowning? i'm lost as i don't seem to find the words, the right attitude to help her nor seem other commons friends. Pride is one of the worst default to have, as it will lead you directly to hell in my opinion. What keeps us from accepting that we are in need, that we are vulnerable, that simply we can take it any longer? How deep in depression must one go, how much loneliness must one experience to accept that there are FRIENDS OUT THERE EAGER TO HELP BECAUSE THEY CARE.

i've discovered over the years(hey i'm fortie now!!!!) that for certain people is very difficult to accept others help but on the other hand they are the first to help you no matter what and they complain a lot about  how they have to do it all by themselves, no one is ever there to help them bla bla bla..... So i will follow my mother's advice(don't we always.....) she's the psy!  

 i have to let go as one can't live others life. 

I feel guilty and hopeless. 

I feel disappointed

I feel frustrated......................  anger, rage, violence is NEVER THE PATH but i will have to let her find out at her own cost. 

Heading to Paris where i'm going to be qualified with the brand new Airbus 380.

 22 flight attendants, 400 passengers and New york is the first destination.Wow! 

HAVE FUN.....CREATE......DANCE.......LAUGH......MAKE LOVE.......

 

40 days to ARTFEST

40 days...to ARTFEST . I'm getting excited and in my head the countdown has started! this year the theme are FAIRY TALES and it's always very interesting to observe that in the art world there are many songs, movies this year with this theme, i can't wait to see the last Tim Burton Alice in wonderlands. 

I was invited buy a portuguese actor/ director to realize with another artist a piece for children.....due in late june, the main theme is FAIRY TALES. Very enthusiastic about it, to share the director insights and make them come true. In the meanwhile, heading to the city of angels and especially to Michael's...my favorite craft store. Hope my flight to Paris will be on time as he is usually late! but still no worries today as i reading with sheer pleasure this book "Alma e os mistérios da vida" from Luisa Castel-Branco, of course she doesn't know but she's contributing for my liking of portuguese books, which is a major step for me. Aleluia!!!! I'm happy and relax let's see on my way back from LAX with 9h of jet lag see.....my mental is nagging me and trying to control once again. 

the goal is living today more precisely now.

HAVE FUN BON WEEK END

A little corner of paradise

I've been very lazy...my "let go" process is doing well though my mental still resists and wants to control...old habits die hard! But step by step i'm improving and enjoying the process.I've just arrived from Brazil, 10 beautiful and sunny days near Recife in a small hotel held by a friend. Needless to say that the beach was perfect, the water warm enough, the "caipirinha"(local drink....) was very inspiring! I didn't want to go in the first place, i mean i had so much to do...in my studio but rapidly discovered that i was drain, exausted, and without any imagination to craft so with a little guilt i accept reluctantly to go with my husband. It took me 4 days to fully relax, to accept that it was ok just lying the whole day without nothing to do except beeing tanned, laugh with my husband, eat whatever i feel like, enjoy, read a lot, take a little nap, daydream...I haven't really realized how much i was tense, how much my body begged for holidays. The guilt is a very empowering feeling, the constant urge to be active, to achieve deadlines that most of the time aren't that urgent. Now that i'm back home still feeling balanced and strong  i want to slow down, my creativity has returned thank God!!! but i accept that there are only 24h in a day and i need to sleep a lot so Alex just relax and be aware of all the vampires around who ungulf you into their problems and suck every energy you may have!!!

The blog for example has been a constant ordeal, my mothertong is french, i live in Lisbon and am very much at ease in english. My first and obvious choice would be the french if i lived in France...the second choice is, of course portuguese and there is where the problem arouses! It doesn't flow...for the moment so what to do? i will follow my heart and......start seriously reading in Portuguese, not that i care for the grammar, i know i do my best and now i've reach an age where i don't care. Incredible what the 40 do to a person!  When you have mixed parents you become lazy as if i don't find a word in french i'll have the portuguese one and they understand so why bother? My friends make fun of me and correct me all the time ......hey i'm a world citizen and very proud of it. I'm at home eating fish in a newspaper in Africa, wearing the burka in Iran, enjoying my american coffee in Barnes and Nobles,bargain tissues in Mumbai... i adapt myself wherever i go. My brother just met in Cape town, a peruvian guy of 60 who had been traveling for the last 6 months. I would love to do that, what an exciting and fulfilling adventures.  As i deeply believe that what we take when comes the final path  is human experiences, the love we gave and receive not the last blackberry we bought!!!

So now i'm all excited about ARTFEST due to start in march 24...the trades are being done, plenty of other ideas can't wait to be in Port Towsend.

HAVE FUN....i just bought another portuguese book so i'm practicing!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year Bom Ano Bonne année..... 2010 

My goal is definitely this year to have an uncomplicated life... so it started by making two suitcases one for winter one for summer.....and leaving them in Paris. Wow! no more stress when coming to Lisbon, i travel light now... another goal is to start gym again. I know you are already thinking, give her 2 months and she'll drop it! Test me not! Whenever i start moving and jogging i am always surprised at the pleasure it gives me so why stop? Why are humans beings so complicated? What keep us from taking good care of our health? our emotional needs? Why do we keep doing things that we don't want? 

So now that i'm a grown up girl of 40...hehehe i want  for 2010

to keep loving my husband and be loved

be more present and available for family and friends

create a lot......have new ideas......learn new techniques

Have fun

Be happy

go to Recife...and enjoy the sea, the sun 

go to Artfest and be again with Amanda, Adeola, Tamy...

go to India 

go to Peru with Luis and meet a shaman

stay at home in my studio with my cat Frimousse 

Get plenty of room services while watching Dr house and CSI

go to Barnes and Nobles and delight myself with sheer pleasure at all the books i'm going to read

discover new musics.....and dance alone dance with Luis dance with friends

eat my mom's delicious meals

share and enjoy the sunset by the beach with a caipirinha(or an orange juice depends if i'm on a diet...)

anticipating the mail man who brings me Somerset studio

have friends coming over

sleep a lot 

get plenty of massages

laugh for a good reason and laugh without reason

and......... 

here i'm again doing my list.....old habits die hard but the heck with it it's fun

MERRY CHRISTMAS SANTO NATAL

CHRISTMAS is always a happy time for me, full of memories, even the bad ones! It seems as time stands still....i've noticed over the years that there's a certain energy around Christmas, people seem more aware, show more compassion, smile more. It's family time with the same scenario every year, even if it's not the one we would have choosen we still cherish it as it's a bound, a sense of belonging.

I like to make my "to do 2010 list" but think this year will skip it as i am in the process of LET GO...

I like knowing Mom is at home, preparing the turkey and a special recipe for each one of us(that's what mom's do they are in the inconditional giving right? ) my beloved husband is rushing at the last minute with the gifts ...

There isn't any snow here in Lisbon but it's cold which is good, i diet the whole day waiting impatiently for Mom's feast with my favorites deserts .......and then we unwrap our presents and share and enjoy and argue a little (otherwise there's no fun!) and kiss each other and.................... 

I WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST 

                                                                                                     .... MERRY CHRISTMAS

JE VOUS SOUHAITE UN JOYEUX NOEL

                                                                                    DESEJO-VOS UM SANTO NATAL Don't let yourselves be poluted by the crisis, the fear of tomorrow BELIEVE THAT HE KNOWS

Have fun today....share and enjoy

TRUST

Vou ser sincera convosco, até agora não tinha verdadeiramente experimentado o "deixar andar,  let go" que de tanto falam os terapeutas e os budistas!

 Tentei, prometendo-me a mim mesma, no próximo objectivo eu não controlo...

           só faltava cruzar os dedos como os putos...claro que caía sempre na armadilha do mental, porque ele é bem perigoso!  e voltava ao meu quotidiano, sempre com mil e um projectos... e muita luta.

 O "turning point" foram os meus benditos 40 anos, senti finalmente que não valia a pena fazer as coisas a minha maneira, tentar desesperadamente ter aquilo que eu achava que tinha direito(quanta arôgancia) e forçar,  dia após dia forçar, sempre mais um pouco.

 Porque será que achamos que sabemos melhor que Deus o que é bom para nós?

 É uma pergunta que me faço constantemente há anos mas só nestes ultimos meses é que deixei de lutar e.....de repente a minha vida flui. A minha vida flui e pareço estar na corda bamba, porque surgem N... projectos inesperados, fantásticos e....se eu não for capaz!!! Okay já perceberam que a minha terapia não acabou e ainda tenho pano para mangas. Habituei-me a lutar quando de repente ponho o mental de lado, ele ataca em força e aí é que é preciso ser tenaz e não voltar aos antigos medos. Perguntas idiotas do tipo, mas somos tantos será que não é melhor ser eu a tratar da minha vida e definir os meus objectivos, será que "Ele" não se vai esquecer de mim.....bla bla bla 

Hoge surgiu mais um projecto e fiquei o dia todo pensando será que sou c.......Amanhá telefono e vou a minha terapeuta, nada como uma boa sessão de hipnose. Since i decide to let go my life is upside down in a positive way....but it's so scary. I'm so used to fight and then to wait a long time for things to happen or...don't as the pregnancy, that all of a sudden i've become unbalanced again, out of fear mostly!

Success can be frightening.Does it ring a bell? I am in an anwkard position since i just let go, because LIFE  JUST FLOWS and FLOURISH.  The victim attitude is, as i've just discovered a comfortable one because though we do have goals we never seem to reach them! So people don't envy you and covet what you are. So my therapy isn't over, plenty of homework to do.

Meanwhile a good hipnosis will do...

HAVE FUN ENJOY and CREATE

HAVING FUN...

Foi tudo decidido muito rapidamente com a Marcela,dona da loja Fabrico Infinito, quinta e ...sexta já montámos tudo! Estou a adorar, a loja tem peças lindas de artistas nacionais e estrangeiros, um ambiente muito zen e uma energia fantástica.

É sem dúvida uma das lojas mais "in" de Lisboa, a Marcela que viveu muito anos em Munich tem uma criatividade muito desenvolvida e ideias fora do comum. ADORO... 

Estas montagem e as fotos foram tiradas pela minha amiga Mafalda que tem um jeito incrível. Vive agora perto de Tours, França e já a imagino tirar fotos lindas dos mercados, das pessoas que passam...qualquer dia está numa galeria com uma exposição.

It's been 3 days and it seems a lifetime...This shop is very exquisite, each piece is unique. I'AM HAVING FUN, lots of diferent people coming in and exchanging ideas, thoughts. LOVE IT LOVE IT... HAVE  FUN...SHARE AND ENJOY