30 days to Artfest, my trades are almost......finish!!!! still 100 to go...he he he but i don't stress it's supposed to be fun right? I listen to my inner child and deep into it with delight. I've learned the lesson. I've just arrived from Rio de Janeiro who's called "cidade maravilhosa" (wonderful city) which it is for her outrageous beauty, the landscape is awesome and most of all the "cariocas"( people from Rio) are one of the most happy people in the planet. Give them the beach, the football and the samba and they glow with joy. Trying to figure out why they are so happy though they have so "little" from  our material standards and i guess they have understood that life will bring it's share of burdens so WHY NOT BE HAPPY ALL ALONG, TODAY!...

and that brings me to how can i help a friend who is drowning? i'm lost as i don't seem to find the words, the right attitude to help her nor seem other commons friends. Pride is one of the worst default to have, as it will lead you directly to hell in my opinion. What keeps us from accepting that we are in need, that we are vulnerable, that simply we can take it any longer? How deep in depression must one go, how much loneliness must one experience to accept that there are FRIENDS OUT THERE EAGER TO HELP BECAUSE THEY CARE.

i've discovered over the years(hey i'm fortie now!!!!) that for certain people is very difficult to accept others help but on the other hand they are the first to help you no matter what and they complain a lot about  how they have to do it all by themselves, no one is ever there to help them bla bla bla..... So i will follow my mother's advice(don't we always.....) she's the psy!  

 i have to let go as one can't live others life. 

I feel guilty and hopeless. 

I feel disappointed

I feel frustrated......................  anger, rage, violence is NEVER THE PATH but i will have to let her find out at her own cost. 

Heading to Paris where i'm going to be qualified with the brand new Airbus 380.

 22 flight attendants, 400 passengers and New york is the first destination.Wow! 

HAVE FUN.....CREATE......DANCE.......LAUGH......MAKE LOVE.......

 

40 days to ARTFEST

40 days...to ARTFEST . I'm getting excited and in my head the countdown has started! this year the theme are FAIRY TALES and it's always very interesting to observe that in the art world there are many songs, movies this year with this theme, i can't wait to see the last Tim Burton Alice in wonderlands. 

I was invited buy a portuguese actor/ director to realize with another artist a piece for children.....due in late june, the main theme is FAIRY TALES. Very enthusiastic about it, to share the director insights and make them come true. In the meanwhile, heading to the city of angels and especially to Michael's...my favorite craft store. Hope my flight to Paris will be on time as he is usually late! but still no worries today as i reading with sheer pleasure this book "Alma e os mistérios da vida" from Luisa Castel-Branco, of course she doesn't know but she's contributing for my liking of portuguese books, which is a major step for me. Aleluia!!!! I'm happy and relax let's see on my way back from LAX with 9h of jet lag see.....my mental is nagging me and trying to control once again. 

the goal is living today more precisely now.

HAVE FUN BON WEEK END

A little corner of paradise

I've been very lazy...my "let go" process is doing well though my mental still resists and wants to control...old habits die hard! But step by step i'm improving and enjoying the process.I've just arrived from Brazil, 10 beautiful and sunny days near Recife in a small hotel held by a friend. Needless to say that the beach was perfect, the water warm enough, the "caipirinha"(local drink....) was very inspiring! I didn't want to go in the first place, i mean i had so much to do...in my studio but rapidly discovered that i was drain, exausted, and without any imagination to craft so with a little guilt i accept reluctantly to go with my husband. It took me 4 days to fully relax, to accept that it was ok just lying the whole day without nothing to do except beeing tanned, laugh with my husband, eat whatever i feel like, enjoy, read a lot, take a little nap, daydream...I haven't really realized how much i was tense, how much my body begged for holidays. The guilt is a very empowering feeling, the constant urge to be active, to achieve deadlines that most of the time aren't that urgent. Now that i'm back home still feeling balanced and strong  i want to slow down, my creativity has returned thank God!!! but i accept that there are only 24h in a day and i need to sleep a lot so Alex just relax and be aware of all the vampires around who ungulf you into their problems and suck every energy you may have!!!

The blog for example has been a constant ordeal, my mothertong is french, i live in Lisbon and am very much at ease in english. My first and obvious choice would be the french if i lived in France...the second choice is, of course portuguese and there is where the problem arouses! It doesn't flow...for the moment so what to do? i will follow my heart and......start seriously reading in Portuguese, not that i care for the grammar, i know i do my best and now i've reach an age where i don't care. Incredible what the 40 do to a person!  When you have mixed parents you become lazy as if i don't find a word in french i'll have the portuguese one and they understand so why bother? My friends make fun of me and correct me all the time ......hey i'm a world citizen and very proud of it. I'm at home eating fish in a newspaper in Africa, wearing the burka in Iran, enjoying my american coffee in Barnes and Nobles,bargain tissues in Mumbai... i adapt myself wherever i go. My brother just met in Cape town, a peruvian guy of 60 who had been traveling for the last 6 months. I would love to do that, what an exciting and fulfilling adventures.  As i deeply believe that what we take when comes the final path  is human experiences, the love we gave and receive not the last blackberry we bought!!!

So now i'm all excited about ARTFEST due to start in march 24...the trades are being done, plenty of other ideas can't wait to be in Port Towsend.

HAVE FUN....i just bought another portuguese book so i'm practicing!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year Bom Ano Bonne année..... 2010 

My goal is definitely this year to have an uncomplicated life... so it started by making two suitcases one for winter one for summer.....and leaving them in Paris. Wow! no more stress when coming to Lisbon, i travel light now... another goal is to start gym again. I know you are already thinking, give her 2 months and she'll drop it! Test me not! Whenever i start moving and jogging i am always surprised at the pleasure it gives me so why stop? Why are humans beings so complicated? What keep us from taking good care of our health? our emotional needs? Why do we keep doing things that we don't want? 

So now that i'm a grown up girl of 40...hehehe i want  for 2010

to keep loving my husband and be loved

be more present and available for family and friends

create a lot......have new ideas......learn new techniques

Have fun

Be happy

go to Recife...and enjoy the sea, the sun 

go to Artfest and be again with Amanda, Adeola, Tamy...

go to India 

go to Peru with Luis and meet a shaman

stay at home in my studio with my cat Frimousse 

Get plenty of room services while watching Dr house and CSI

go to Barnes and Nobles and delight myself with sheer pleasure at all the books i'm going to read

discover new musics.....and dance alone dance with Luis dance with friends

eat my mom's delicious meals

share and enjoy the sunset by the beach with a caipirinha(or an orange juice depends if i'm on a diet...)

anticipating the mail man who brings me Somerset studio

have friends coming over

sleep a lot 

get plenty of massages

laugh for a good reason and laugh without reason

and......... 

here i'm again doing my list.....old habits die hard but the heck with it it's fun

MERRY CHRISTMAS SANTO NATAL

CHRISTMAS is always a happy time for me, full of memories, even the bad ones! It seems as time stands still....i've noticed over the years that there's a certain energy around Christmas, people seem more aware, show more compassion, smile more. It's family time with the same scenario every year, even if it's not the one we would have choosen we still cherish it as it's a bound, a sense of belonging.

I like to make my "to do 2010 list" but think this year will skip it as i am in the process of LET GO...

I like knowing Mom is at home, preparing the turkey and a special recipe for each one of us(that's what mom's do they are in the inconditional giving right? ) my beloved husband is rushing at the last minute with the gifts ...

There isn't any snow here in Lisbon but it's cold which is good, i diet the whole day waiting impatiently for Mom's feast with my favorites deserts .......and then we unwrap our presents and share and enjoy and argue a little (otherwise there's no fun!) and kiss each other and.................... 

I WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST 

                                                                                                     .... MERRY CHRISTMAS

JE VOUS SOUHAITE UN JOYEUX NOEL

                                                                                    DESEJO-VOS UM SANTO NATAL Don't let yourselves be poluted by the crisis, the fear of tomorrow BELIEVE THAT HE KNOWS

Have fun today....share and enjoy

TRUST

Vou ser sincera convosco, até agora não tinha verdadeiramente experimentado o "deixar andar,  let go" que de tanto falam os terapeutas e os budistas!

 Tentei, prometendo-me a mim mesma, no próximo objectivo eu não controlo...

           só faltava cruzar os dedos como os putos...claro que caía sempre na armadilha do mental, porque ele é bem perigoso!  e voltava ao meu quotidiano, sempre com mil e um projectos... e muita luta.

 O "turning point" foram os meus benditos 40 anos, senti finalmente que não valia a pena fazer as coisas a minha maneira, tentar desesperadamente ter aquilo que eu achava que tinha direito(quanta arôgancia) e forçar,  dia após dia forçar, sempre mais um pouco.

 Porque será que achamos que sabemos melhor que Deus o que é bom para nós?

 É uma pergunta que me faço constantemente há anos mas só nestes ultimos meses é que deixei de lutar e.....de repente a minha vida flui. A minha vida flui e pareço estar na corda bamba, porque surgem N... projectos inesperados, fantásticos e....se eu não for capaz!!! Okay já perceberam que a minha terapia não acabou e ainda tenho pano para mangas. Habituei-me a lutar quando de repente ponho o mental de lado, ele ataca em força e aí é que é preciso ser tenaz e não voltar aos antigos medos. Perguntas idiotas do tipo, mas somos tantos será que não é melhor ser eu a tratar da minha vida e definir os meus objectivos, será que "Ele" não se vai esquecer de mim.....bla bla bla 

Hoge surgiu mais um projecto e fiquei o dia todo pensando será que sou c.......Amanhá telefono e vou a minha terapeuta, nada como uma boa sessão de hipnose. Since i decide to let go my life is upside down in a positive way....but it's so scary. I'm so used to fight and then to wait a long time for things to happen or...don't as the pregnancy, that all of a sudden i've become unbalanced again, out of fear mostly!

Success can be frightening.Does it ring a bell? I am in an anwkard position since i just let go, because LIFE  JUST FLOWS and FLOURISH.  The victim attitude is, as i've just discovered a comfortable one because though we do have goals we never seem to reach them! So people don't envy you and covet what you are. So my therapy isn't over, plenty of homework to do.

Meanwhile a good hipnosis will do...

HAVE FUN ENJOY and CREATE

HAVING FUN...

Foi tudo decidido muito rapidamente com a Marcela,dona da loja Fabrico Infinito, quinta e ...sexta já montámos tudo! Estou a adorar, a loja tem peças lindas de artistas nacionais e estrangeiros, um ambiente muito zen e uma energia fantástica.

É sem dúvida uma das lojas mais "in" de Lisboa, a Marcela que viveu muito anos em Munich tem uma criatividade muito desenvolvida e ideias fora do comum. ADORO... 

Estas montagem e as fotos foram tiradas pela minha amiga Mafalda que tem um jeito incrível. Vive agora perto de Tours, França e já a imagino tirar fotos lindas dos mercados, das pessoas que passam...qualquer dia está numa galeria com uma exposição.

It's been 3 days and it seems a lifetime...This shop is very exquisite, each piece is unique. I'AM HAVING FUN, lots of diferent people coming in and exchanging ideas, thoughts. LOVE IT LOVE IT... HAVE  FUN...SHARE AND ENJOY

FABRICO INFINITO...

I'm truly blessed... to be a part of this exciting idea of Marcela, owner of PROFUNDO INFINITO a design/coffee shop downtown Lisbon. Principe Real is truly the place to be! I'am surrounded by antiques and vintage shops, by criativity imagination and beautiful things.

Marcela invited me in what seems at first, for me a shy person, a crazy idea but...WHY NOT?

So we embarked in this december project where she invited me and another jeweler artist to bring along our studio in her shop and just...work all day long.

I'm truly delighted as people pop in and are so enchanted by the concept and off we talk....and talk exchanging ideas, experiences and laughing a lot.

Marcela has definitely the most esquisite and original shop in Lisbon, i'am very proud that she has chosen me! She's a graphic designer, lived in Germany for a couple of years and is very open mind. Thank you Marcela for giving us the oportunities to share our work, as artist to the world.

Let go...I was reluctant at first, my mental is always there trying to control everything but has you know I'm now more and more determined to LET GO, and though is yet a struggle and a challenge I won't let myself submerge by mental's fear and I truly are enjoying the experience of being seen and talk to.  Quando fui apresentar os meus trabalhos a Marcela, dona da loja FABRICO INFINITO nunca poderia ter sonhado fazer parte deste projecto que ela idealizou e que esta a concretizar! Juntar artistas na sua loja, montando um mini atelier e deixando-nos trabalhar. Foi tudo muito rápido, segui a minha intuição e...estou a adorar a experiencia. Apareçam!

Life...

Imaginem por um segundo terem uma varinha mágica, como seria a vossa vida?

Eu viveria certamente longe de Lisboa com o Luis e o Frimousse mais para os lados do meco sem ninguém a volta, numa casa de madeira igual as americanas, com um alpendre e tudo, frente ao mar, tranquila passaria os dias no meu atelier criando e experimentando novas técnicas, ia beber café ao bar da aldeia onde toda a gente me conhecia, ia ao mercado comprar peixe ainda a saltitar, legumes e frutas biológicos, voltava de bicicleta para casa, o Luis acendia a lareira e recomeçava a criar, ao fim de semana tinhamos a casa cheia de amigos barulhentos e divertidos, e passávamos a semana os dois enroscados, apaixonados, partilhando e fazendo longas caminhadas ao pôr do sol, dancando a nossa música ao som das ondas, vinha "a cidade" o menos possível por precisar de silêncio e andava de avião de 10 em 10 anos! Wake up...Acorda já estou a ouvir: a vida não é nada disso parece a casinha na pradaria, com a família Ingalls. 

No fundo o que eu quero profundamente é uma vida calma, preenchida, sem pressões, sem raivas desnecessárias, sem objectivos desgastantes mas... até agora fiz exatamente o contrário e sinto me por isso completamente destabilizada. Será que fiz bem em parar os tratamentos? O que faço agora que tomei a decisão de deixar de lutar? Oiço muito falar do "let go", deixar correr, mas é muito inquietante deixar o controle nas mãos de Deus. Será que ele não anda ocupado e ainda se esquece de mim? Sinto-me muito insegura perguntado-me se fiz bem, não seria melhor tomar o controle de novo da minha vida? Ao menos tenho a ilusão de... 

Mas é mesmo só uma ilusão porque a energia que tenho gasto ao longo destes anos a querer aquilo que eu achava que devia ter, o que o meu corpo tem suportado, a minha alma está cansada. Preciso de chegar a bom porto como dizemos em françês, desculpem certamente a má tradução, descansar e aproveitar sem medos do amanhá e das eventuais desgraças que possam vir a acontecer.

Nem que seja por isso sinto que estou no bom caminho.

Imagine for a second that you've got a magic wand? What would your life be?

I would live with my husband and my cat in a little town, in  an american wood house with the porch where we could watch the stars at nights, with a sea view where we would take long walks daydreaming and simply be happy, creating in my studio, going downtown where i knew everyone, buying from the local fisherman, having friends coming over the week-ends, sharing and laughing, being away from an airplane and big city, and...

Stop! Why? i've come to realize that i want a calm, quiet and profound life without unnecessaries worries and strugles(don't we all want the same? )

My quest now is to stop trying to control and handed it to God. Wow! Written like that, it seems so easy especialy when i've been doing the oposite all over the years. 

So what i've been through lately is precisely that: wondering if God might forget me, i mean we are  so many! Got the pictures! it takes time like the 12 steps which i deeply believe, to simply trust and let go.

Treasure album